To Cry: Tears of a Wildflower
by memoir of the lost
Summary: Sakura's ultimate sacrifice. Everything mattered until now... [SasukexSakuraxNeji] [onesided sakuxkaka]PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!Currently undergoing construction.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**It all began with one word. Goodbye.**

It all seemed like an eternity of silence. Looking forth into the abyss all that her eyes could now see was the silhouette of the place she called home…all of the remnants of her being were shattered the day she decided to show him how much she cared. She heaved a great sigh and moved forth.

Never again would she be weak.

And now it was time.

Time for her to protect them..

So she would leave.

Disappear beyond the horizon carrying with her the burden that had cursed his life.

Looking back everything she had accomplished looked so…. Pathetic. Yes, it was true that she had grown stronger in the years of turmoil that she and her friends have experienced—from the Chuunin exams to Sasuke's retrieval—she had indeed grown wiser, stronger. The once timid young girl was now a determined young woman. She was now praised as one of Konoha's finest…one who could surpass even the skills of the Godaime herself.

And yet…

Her heart could not take the torment. And for this…she was weak.

The rain fell steadily from the heavens…funny how the sky reflected the pain in her heart…how the rain represented the tears she has shed throughout the years.

And yet…

All she could do was look back.

Look back and never return.

This was the only way…the only way she could protect them from her…

Was this what she felt when he left?

Perhaps…

Then again…he sought power when she knew she did not deserve it…she wanted not an escape…she would not leave to find power or to find an escape.

_She was leaving to find an end._

And in this…lay the only method in preventing the horrors that should befall the ones she loved.

Though, deep within her she half-heartedly hoped that he would come. Come and stop her… convince her to stay just as she did the day he turned his back and left.

But he didn't.

No one did.

_"You're nothing but a weak foolish girl! You don't deserve the right to be called Shinobi!"_

His voice still rang as a constant reminder in her mind. She was weak…even after all that she had been through since the day he left…until the day he came back… all was the same.

She was still weak.

Weak in his eyes.

Pathetic in hers.

Easily preyed upon by emotion…easily swayed by infatuation…

She was weak.

She hated it.

And yet…she could not escape it.

And now she had to leave…

She brushed aside the hair from her face and looked upon Konoha once more.

"In the end you we're right…goodbye…"

* * *

**lalala short chapter I know. It's my first Sakura fic so plz plz be nice.**


	2. To take the Ultimate

**CHAPTER ONE.**

**To take the ultimate**

_**I could still feel it.**_

_**The blood stained upon my hands.**_

_**It has been a year. A years since their departure from this mortal plain… and yet the memory rushes forth from the depths of my slumber waking me in my moment of tranquility.**_

_**And then the dream begins once more…**_

* * *

**flashback:**

Running through the forest leaping upon the branches I struggle to keep pace with the rest. Why has it come to this? Why has this happened? His words…what are they supposed to mean?

I recount the memory that has unfolded only moments ago…

We had received vital information stating that he has again made his appearance within the regions of this land. Perhaps Sasuke's retrieval had angered him and he has finally devised a ploy to lure the Uchiha back into his captivity. Yes, after a long absence from his home…after what seemed to be an eternity of longing he had finally returned…Sasuke…_my _Sasuke… the boy who had stolen my existence from the beginnings of my youth…the one that had refused my persistent heart.

Sasuke.

His retrieval was not to be said as one easy task. It had taken almost 4 years before we could reach him…and in the end the damages were far too extensive. Even with the help of our newfound allegiances with Sai, Gaara, Chiyo and the rest… the remnants of what Sasuke used to be…_seemed_ to have vanished beyond all forms of retribution.

And yet, I could not lose hope.

No, I made a solemn vow together with Naruto and Kakashi-sensei that we would restore our family—team seven—to what it was before the nuisance of Orochimaru occurred… and so after his successful retrieval began the painstaking mission of returning him to being…Sasuke. Slowly, day-by-day we would remind him of bits and pieces of his forgotten past. A task that people looked down upon on what they had labeled as "Konoha's traitor." But we never gave up…and soon he returned to us. It relieved me to realize that he was not completely lost. However, with his memories restored…so was his insatiable desire to claim the life of the man that had caused him so much pain. It would seem that with his memories…the memories shared with us, came a consequence…the consequence that caused him to leave and seek power… the consequence that allowed him to submit to Orochimaru's curse. It is something that we all feared and hoped would just dissipate into oblivion. However, that piece…is what would allow us to mould him back into who he was…but this time we would all be cautious of this presence within him, ever mindful that the cursed seal that had labeled him as Orochimaru's prize remained dormant upon him. So we swore—Naruto, Kakashi and I—that no matter what befalls our lives we would remind our Sasuke of his true strength so that he would not see the need to seek such destructive means to achieve his goal.

So again he was Sasuke.

The raven-haired stoic persona of a genius bent on restoring his clan—the clan that Itachi had forsaken for power.

Once again, he was Uchiha Sasuke, the genius heir…the _avenger_

And soon team seven, together with its new member; Sai became a family once more.

He had now…_truly_ returned to us.

However the information bestowed upon us by the Godaime a while ago sent shivers up and down my soul. I peered into the eyes of my beloved and found them empty…no…they were not empty, for they were filled with that same deadly gaze that had consumed him four years prior. Would he really return to Orochimaru if he were to ask him for his assistance? No, I—we –would not allow such a thing to happen. Not even on my very life…

So we were all sent, Sasuke included, despite the Godaime's best wishes his persistence prevailed and he accompanied us into the storm. We leaped forth into the onslaught of the rain and soon he was within our sights. The man who took him away…

Orochimaru.

He stared at us with dread with Kabuto by his side.

"What is it that you want?" growled Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei now standing within a close proximity as to restrain Sasuke. By my side I could sense Naruto's chakra emitting hatred and Sai just stood poised and unfazed as ever…I could only look onward hoping that we leave with only minor casualties…_if that was possible._

"Sasuke-kun, why so impatient and forceful? It's as though you have learned nothing from me at all…I was just passing through…besides this time…" he paused, scanning the environment around him "my business does not include you…at least…not yet…"

"If you're business includes no one from this village then I suggest that you---"

"But you are mistaken Kakashi-kun…" he smirked "I said my business did not include Sasuke-kun…however my intentions are directed upon another youthful…presence…"

He looked at me.

And I froze…what? Why? It couldn't be…._me?_

This little act has seemed to catch the attention of my fellow companions and before I could respond, Sasuke broke free of Kakshi's hold and proceeded to unleash an outcry of jutsus towards Orochimaru's direction. Kabuto, who has until now remained silent retaliated with his own series of counter attacks.

And so our battle began.

Sai and Naruto worked on restraining Kabuto as Kakashi-sensei and I tried to somber Sasuke who was now prevailing against his battle…well until Orochimaru unleashed his sword and sliced through Sasuke's body… In haste I grabbed hold of Sasuke as Kakashi-sensei began forming hand seals for a barrier to enclose us as I healed Sasuke's injury.

I could feel him fall limp upon my shoulders…the cursed seal starting to activate once more. I gathered all the chakra that I could muster within the palms of my hand and pressed it closely upon his burden. Soon, the wound faded into nothing more than traces of the blood that it had left stained on his cold sweating body. I then began to form my own set of hand seals to suppress the cursed seal from fully activating. In the years of his absence I have devoted every waking hour of my existence perfecting sealing jutsus…if ever such a day to use them would arise.

Green light enveloped both us within the chambers of Kakashi-sensei's barrier. This display of skill seemed to have attracted the attention of our enemies and soon the fighting subdued. Before Sensei could react Orochimaru found his place in front of me.

He stood before me as I latched myself onto Sasuke fearing that he would once again vanish from my sight…He stood towering upon his fallen frame and my trembling being. Even in all the strength and courage that I have attained throughout the years I still could not face this man…no…this _demon._

His words…

"It seems that the kunoichi has grown in strength as well…just as I would expect from Tsunade's apprentice…but we shall see how far you have reached in your expertise…"

What did he mean?

"Show me how much you've grown…"

What interests him in my abilities? Then again, what would interest him in me?

"It is time for you to show me if you have what it takes to revive your heart…"

"Go now and show me…all will be waiting"

I could see the rest running to my rescue but with those final words Orochimaru vanished in a puff of smoke together with Kabuto.

Those words…

Why?

Me?

* * *

These thoughts raise suspicion and dread within me… I keep running in the depths of the sleeping forest… running as fast as my feet would take me I jolt in another attempt to keep pace with Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and the rest…what did he mean? We were headed back to the village to seek more medical attentionfor Sasuke who now had mobility once more…though weak and still frail he hung upon Sai's shoulders for support.

Still… it surprises me…was he testing me? Did he not want Sasuke back? It was true, Sasuke had finally returned to us after a 4 year of absence he had finally returned…so why did he not claim him once more when he had the chance?

Surely he still needed him as a vessel…

He fought with us… and yet he showed no interest in claiming the Uchiha…instead…he directed his senses upon me…but why? Why leave me with those words.

_"Now, show me how much you have really grown…"_

_"It's time for you to show me if you have what it takes to revive your heart…"_

_"Go now and show me…all will be waiting"_

And then it hits me. Hard in the cold weather it hits me and I run faster than the rest.

"Sakura-chan! Wait up! Where are you going!"

"There's something I have to confirm Naruto!" I scream back…I needed to know…he couldn't…could he?

I reach the village gates and tremble with anticipation and fear.

"Please let me be wrong…" I whisper into the wind. I could feel the presence of the rest still trailing behind me. Sasuke now seemed to be conscious of the events and prodded for the rest to keep track of me. I run as fast as my feet could allow me… though my chakra was now depleted I muster a few more surges through my feet to allow me a more flawless flight. As I reach my destination I stop.

It was open.

The door…

The door to my house was battered and open…

"no…"

I rush inside "Tou-san! Oka-saan!" I search their rooms. Empty… "Lin!" I call for my sister's name. Enter her room and found it empty as well.

The living room…

Nothing…

Kitchen…

Nothing…

Bathrooms…

Nothing…

**_…nothing…_**

I emerge from my house and almost tackled Naruto.

"Sakura-chan!" he screams, but his screams fail in comparison to the voices screaming waves of despair within my mind…I ran through the slumbering streets of Konoha, praying above all forms of hope that they are found…safe…I turn every corner…run over each bridge…Naruto, Sensei, Sai and Sasuke still at my tail

Finally I embark on one alleyway…and find the end to my search.

My eyes stared in disbelief….

I stood still…shaken by this…this…sight…hoping that soon I would awake from this dream.

There before my eyes…were the bodies of my family…

Father…

Mother….

Lin…

Their dead naked bodies pinned against the alley way with kunai knives…their eyes opened and mouths agape…blood still trickling down their fallen frame. I approach…numb and broken…and yet… tears did not greet me… I couldn't…I just couldn't….

I slowly approach the bodies of my family and slowly and steadily releasing each of them from the kunai's hold… I began with my Father…taking out each stake that drove through his arms…his legs… I wrap him in my arms and set him on the ground…closing his eyes and kissing him on the forhead.

"Tou-san…"

I stood once more and retrieved my mother…carefully and delicately placing her next to my father's fallen frame…I look upon her sleeping features and see how much pain she endured in the time it took for her life to be taken away…. "Oka-saan"

Before I turn around to recover my sister…Naruto and the others have now discovered my location…Each stood in disbelief…each silent…

"Sakura…cha—" Naruto tried to muster…but stopped as I did not respond nor flinch…instead I continued with my task.

I turned around one last time to recover my sister, her face so young and yet filled with so much… despair. I place her in between my sleeping parents…their heads resting on spaces in my lap… I take off my cloak and lay it upon their bodies….

I did not contain enough chakra to recover them…

And even if I had… it would all be too late…

So I did what I could…

Gathering the remaining drops of chakra within my hands… I placed them upon my family and heal their wounds…restoring their bodies to what they were before death sought them…

However, I could not return their lives…

All I could do was heal their wounds…

"Forgive me…" I bow my head in between theirs "In the end...this is all I could do for you… forgive me…"

And so…

The rain began to pour upon me…crying the tears that my numbed form could not conjure…

_"Forgive me…"_


	3. To enter the Unknown

**Chapter Two:**

**To Enter the Unknown.**

It had been a year and yet time made it seem like a cycle that repeated within the limitless bounds of eternity. Each night the same dream came. Each night death came to wake her… taunting her in her sleep wanting…craving for her to submit to its call. And yet, each night she'd refuse…. refuse to see the same darkness that now shrouded her family the day the rain poured an outcry from the heavens. Why? Why was she still stubborn to the call of eternal slumber? Was there still something more…something that her heart still desired? _Him? _Is that why…? It was true that even now, her love for him has never faltered. But unlike their youthful days she did not cloud him with so much infatuation for she was too busy burying her emptiness in the denial of her pain.

She loved him…and yet…she no longer knew how…

No longer knew how…to…_feel._

The day that their lives where taken was the last day that her heart experienced pain…the last day that it had experienced anything at all. The smiles had died and the laughter that used to lift the spirits of the oppressed now seemed like something from a mythical folklore only believed by fools. The cherry blossoms that brought forth the beauty of spring now seemed like nothing…her youth was her torment …her memories, her pain. And yet, she could not bring herself forth to a tranquil release. She longed for this escape and yet was pulled back by an unimaginable will to stay…to stay for a purpose she knew not. Was this what Orochimaru meant? Is he after all, just _testing_ her? _Taunting _her? Seeing how far she has grown…but why? Why would he do such an atrocious thing? Is it because she was the only one with such vulnerability? That she was the only one to know of a real _home _to have and hold a real _family?_ A father with unfathomable determination, a mother with a warm smile, a sister with a caring heart…was she being punished? Being placed in the same misery that her comrades have lacked and have experienced throughout the duration of their lives.

Was this... what it was like when they were all alone?

But she was not…she had them after all…she had _him _after all… and that to her was supposed to be enough… it was _supposed _to help her heal… was this why she was still here?

She stood from the sheets that had guarded her from the cold…the sun almost amidst the Konoha gates shinning brightly through the dawn sky. Wearily stepping forth onto the balcony she could see the limitless dreams that this village held. Soon the children would awake and carelessly frolic in unspoiled youth not caring when why or how they came to be…for their only worryis held only in what existed for them in the next few seconds that life had given them. _Was she ever that innocent as well?_

She had chosen after all the life of a Shinobi. The life lived by those not afraid to be kept in isolation from their heart…and yet no matter how many mantras she recited, how many jutsus she developed, how much physical strength and intellectual well-being she honed and harnessed… to _live _a true life of a shinobi…to live in the state of "never looking back" without regrets…this was something she could never come close to attaining.

Thinking of such things made her leery of her own self and soon she found herself spacing off into the oblivion…thoughts comprised of nothing…eyes where empty…soul was numb…the heat that the sun emitted upon her face could not break the cold wall of ice she had built.

So she stood. Watching the sun make its daily ascension…just pondering.

Today was the day she turned 17.

After what seemed like an eternity of nothing she finally decided to step outside and follow her feet to the bridge that had been the usual meeting place for team Kakashi. Though it was true that they no longer held any obligation to reunite at the said location, throughout the years it had become their weekly tradition of training and sparring with each other. It would be the same old routine…they would arrive at the bridge on the time that was set and wait for about another 2 hours for their Sensei to appear (why they would all show up on time they would never know)…after such She and Naruto would burst an outcry of mutterings at the perverted jounin as he tried in a lazy attempt to conjure a good excuse…to which she and Naruto would object while Sasuke and Sai merely scoffed…. and so after their morning rituals they would proceed to the clearing to train.

But these days no such thing happened.

Sure, Kakashi would still arrive late and Naruto would still complain…but she only looked towards the distance ignoring the spectacle before her. At times even Sai would attempt a clever comeback at Kakashi to get her to at least react to something—anything--- a pout, a smile heck even a scoff…but all proved to be useless, as she would just merely nod her head and directly moved to the training grounds…. as for Sasuke…well…he was still the brooding, vengeful Sasuke…which in an odd way provided her with some sense of being…_ "At least I know I'm not the only one in pain" _the thought was horrid…but it was all she had left to hope for…at least there was someone like her…this at least provided some sense of sanity…. Looking within the depths of his eyes she could see…the love that had sparked in her eons ago…love that was still there…strong…passionate…yet buried underneath the crevice of her tormented memories…she wanted to reach out and touch him…be cuddled and wrapped within his arms…to cry and be kissed and be told that everything would be ok…she wanted to be loved by the one that held her heart…by the one that was still keeping her alive at this moment…and yet, she knew it could never happen…no matter what….she'd always be weak in his eyes…and not being able to salvage the lives of her family only proved and enhanced that fact even more. Even if she wanted to reach out and touch his heart…he'd always give the same response of refusal leaving her empty once again…and so each time she desired to instinctively come to him and just be within his presence…she stepped back with all that she could muster for even if he responded, what could she do? It wasn't as though she would know how to love…she could tell him that she loved him…but deep down she knew that her words were filled with nothing but that desperate longing for _anything_. Her words would mean nothing for she cannot mould them into reality. Her words may say I love you, but her mind screamed in confusion and her heart would remain numb.

So she would just walk away.

And leave Kakashi, Naruto and Sai wondering if they would ever have her back again…if she could be rescued like Sasuke was once before.

On the other hand training and sparring with her was the equivalent to having a conversation with the dead. Although she was still as sharp as ever…her strength still equivalent the monstrosity of the Godaime's might…she was hollow. Her moves were swift…her strikes deadly…and yet her eyes reflected nothing.

"Yo!" a voice rang in the distance

"Kakashi! Baka! you're late!" accused the blonde-haired kyuubi

"Ah-aaah well you see… I was walking and somehow got lost—"

"ON THE ROAD TO LIFE" the three heated boys said in unison.

"Well if you knew why then why ask?" smirked the jounin as he pulled the infamous orange novel from his pouch… "Yo, Sakura… guess what day it is?"

"It's Monday—" Naruto being abruptly cut by Sai's fist atop his noggin. "Fool don't tell me you forgot…"

"He probably did" smirked Sasuke "what else can we expect from a dobe…"

"Now, now let's not fight on our cherry blossom's birthday. It's bad luck" Kakashi retorted before the battle ensued slowly crinkling his visible eye into a smile.

Sakura could only stare at this.

"So—so Sakura-chan! What do you want to do today!"

"Hmm…"

"Wanna go to the Ramen house! My treat!"

"Dobe…don't you ever go eat anywhere else but that place?"

"What! Why would I when I can have Ramen day in and day out…"

"Your slowly killing yourself with, you know" Sai commented; now entering the conversation… "I can just see it now: Future Hokage…dead by Ramen."

Kakashi laughed, Sasuke scoffed, Sai smirked, Naruto cringed…Sakura only stared.

"Actually…I'm really not in the mood to do anything today…" whispered Sakura, her eyes never straying away from their position.

"But Sakura-Cha—"

"It's ok Naruto…I'm just…feeling a bit tired today…maybe some other time ok?"

With that she a shower of cherry blossoms engulfed her and soon she vanished.

"_Sakura…will you ever return to us?" _He merely stared at the Kyuubi's frustration marking him with his visible eye…_ "We're still here for you…just as you have always been there for each of us…" _the copy-nin silently thought…It was true that throughout the years team seven had developed into it's own little family of misfits…the man who hid behind the mask…the boy scorned for simply living as a testament to the Yondaime's love…the avenger who isolated his soul for revenge…and the lone wolf who lived without the human norm…and her…the one who thought of herself weak in front of others. True, she was not the strongest among them…however…without her…they would not have survived… _"Sakura…the love that kept team seven together…"_ he sighed… seems like that's all he could do these days…

* * *

"DAMNIT!" she screamed slamming her fists upon the table waking a sleeping ton-ton from his thresholds of fantasy. 

"Tsunade-sama—"

"The attacks…their attacks are getting more and more heinous…damn Orochimaru! Damn Sound!" she sighed. There was so much chaos around this man and she cursed him for being so much of a nuisance. Missions where given to every available shinobi to protect any village that is threatened by his unwavering hatred. "Damnit…"

Another mission. B-class, objective: safeguard a small farming village near the tea country… "This shouldn't be too much of a hassle…I hope…" she sighed and looked at the list of available teams that could take up the task… "Hmm…I guess I'm going to have to send them…it's been a while…Naruto's been harassing me for a new mission anyway…"

"Shizune!"

"Hai—"

"Call together team seven…I have a task for them."

* * *

**Oi second chapter is up! Nothing major is happening yet just a few introductions to how things are but next chapter is going into more detail. ooooo Lol first of all I would like to thank Marsgoddess for the lovely comment**

**I'll try to update as soon as I can**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this so far**


	4. Two Deaths and an Unexpected turn

**Chapter three.**

**Two Deaths & an Unexpected turn...**

_I could feel his life slipping away…_

_"No... Hang in there"_

_A young boy...no less than 7 years...sprawled upon my arms...bleeding and broken emitting the taste of death from his small fragile frame... I couldn't... couldn't give up... I had to save him... he can't...can't die._

_I won't allow it._

* * *

The mission given to them by the Godaime was nothing more than a simple scout on a small territory near the tea country. It was nothing too hard for five for Konoha's finest team to handle. 

"Man, why did we have to get sent to do this cruddy mission anyway Kaka-Sensei?" frowned Naruto as he trudged behind the elder man who was currently preoccupied with his beloved "_Icha Icha Paradise_" Novel to even pay attention.

"Ay—Kakashi! I asked you a question!"

"Shut up Dobe!" scowled Sasuke in annoyance, "besides, aren't you the one who's _always _complaining about not getting enough missions?"

"Uchiha is right, be thankful that you are still useful to the village, dickless"

"NANI!…Sai don't tell me you're siding with the baka too!"

"I'm not…I'm merely being…_honest._"

"Bu—" but before they could further expound on Naruto's lack of understanding Kakashi abruptly stopped signaling them to likewise follow in his example "We're camping out here for the night…" he said, his visible eye crinkling into a smile.

A few moments later once everything had been settled at their camp they all gathered around the fire that Sasuke conveniently produced with his jutsu (AN: don't know the technical term). Each silently eating their meal as Naruto babbled about the latest encounter he had with sampling the newest flavored Ramen at Ichiraku's. All the while Sakura could only watch idly at what used to be her happiness.

She wanted to laugh like Naruto.

She wanted to care like Kakashi.

She wanted to dare life like Sai.

…She wanted to _hate _like Sasuke…

"_How long has it been since I've seen them dance?" _She sighed and looked towards the heavens where the stars danced a midnight waltz with the moon… A memory long ago visited her and the voices of her comrades in the distance faded away as she recounted the moments of her lost youth.

_

* * *

__"Sakura! Your mother is calling you!" screamed the red-haired man as he raced across the meadow to retrieve his daughter who sat underneath the moonlit sky…"Tou—san!" what are you doing here?" The little cherry blossom replied as she abruptly wiped the tears away from her cheeks._

"_Sakura…have you been crying?" the man asked gently as he scooted closer to his daughter, wrapping her around the warmth of his arms._

"_NO! I'm not crying humph!" The elder man could only smile at his daughter's failed attempts at lying… "Very well then… I suppose whatever it is…you don't need help. After all you're a big girl of… what was it? 36? 70?" smiled her father._

"_Tou-san! I'm only…" Sakura paused and fumbled with her fingers "This many…" she smiled as she raised four fingers in front of her father's face. But the smile soon disappeared and sadness greeted the girl once more as she buried her face into her father's chest._

"_Miko-kun…he's gone isn't he?"_

"_Ah—" her father replied 'So she was thinking of him…' Miko, a boy Sakura had known since…well…since her life began. He was her closest friend. A good 4 years apart from Sakura he served as her baby-sitter and mentor. They'd spend hours upon hours filling the day with new adventures and stories and lessons learned only by innocence…trailing up and down the sands of youth, dancing among the meadows of innocence…both of them at peace and in tune with the world… But that innocence soon faded away as the boy she once knew as her closest companion, Miko had died of an accident that occurred not many days ago. And here she was…his daughter…brooding over the loss of that importance. She cried heavily into his chest and he held her tight._

"_Ah…My Sakura" he began stroking her hair as looked at the sky "The stars seem to be dancing tonight…"_

"_What do you mean Tou-san?"_

"_Miko…you loved him like you're brother noh?" her father smiled "He was an important person…he filled your heart with love, joy, care, compassion…and in the process he left these gifts with you…so that you can preserve the stories that you both shared…I know that it's unfair that he was taken away from you Sakura…but that's part of the cycle of life…but you must remember…when people die…they don't disappear…you may not see their bodies, touch their flesh or smell their scent…but they are always with you…"_

"_Where?"_

"_Right here." The man pointed his finger to the girl's heart. "And here." He pointed towards her forhead. "And up there" He pointed to the stars._

"_He's up there too?"_

"_Mmmhmm." Nodded her father "When people are taken from this world…we become sad…but it's ok to be sad sometimes…but Sakura, remember…don't let your tears cloud your vision…"_

"_Huh? Tou-san I don't understand"_

_The man patted his daughter's head and placed it on his chest once more "If you keep shedding tears…you won't see that the one you loved has already traveled his way into the heavens…and if you keep a close look…at night…you'll see him up there…dancing an eternal waltz with the stars…so when you want to see the one you love again…all you need to do…is visit him when the stars are dancing…and you can dance with him just as you always have before…A friend's way to the heavens should never be paved by a loved-ones tears…"_

_Sakura nodded and stared above where the sky was littered with tiny diamonds…Her face lit in enthusiasm as she witnessed one twinkle making it look as though it had conveyed a secret message towards the child "I see him Tou-san! Over there! See? See?" she said pointing towards the star that had stolen her sadness. Her father let out a hearty laugh._

"_I understand…Tou-san I understand…" she said, "Miko-kun was very special…I don't blame the stars for wanting a chance to dance with him too…"_

_Her father laughed, "Let's go before you're mother starts to worry…"_

* * *

"_Tou-san, Oka-saan…Lin…I wonder if the stars are dancing with you as well…"_

With that Sakura drifted off into slumber roughly hearing Sasuke mention that this was to be an "easy task to complete" with Naruto babbling about how it will only take them a few days to end…

Oh how they were dreadfully wrong…

* * *

The attack on the small country village that we were sent to protect had been...in a word...horrifying... though they had been able to subdue the sound-nins that invaded...the casualties were far too extensive. Even with her medical training under the Godaime she couldn't save each soul that begged for salvation. She couldn't...she was tired...sore and her chakra completely depleted. But. She had to try...try and save his life... no matter what she would save his life. 

**Sakura's POV:**

I again gather all the chakra from my hands and press it against his limp body feeling his life slip away from my grasp..._"no. Stop. Don't..."_

I pray to the heavens for the bleeding to stop...he was loosing too much...too damn much...and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"Damnit.Stop. Please stop bleeding."

I begged.

Another surge of energy...

Another try...

A little more power...

A little more push...

Another go...

In. and out. My chakra surged through his system...

Give me a little more time...

One more..

And another...

Another...

In my attempt to revive the fallen youth from his immobility I failed to realize that in this desperate attempt his life had already slipped beyond my reach. And all was left was an empty hollow piece of flesh, void of all emotion or pain. His eyes stared blankly at the sky as though trying with all it's might to see beyond what eternity can only grant fools.

He was gone. Dead within the sanctuary of my arms...gone.

A life had vanished despite my greatest efforts...

I still failed.

All that training...and I couldn't even save a single life...couldn't even save his life...

I felt guilty...I deprived him of the smiles he would never express...the love that he would never find...the adventures that he would never seek...I was the perpetrator to this heinous crime.

I let him die.

In the end I proved to still be weak.

Incompetent.

_Nothing._

Shivers ran up and down my spine...I continue my rituals of surging chakra into the empty human..."please...please" I pleaded...one more surge. And another...and another... I can't...he can't... it's not..."please--"

"Sakura--" a hand delicately found its place on my trembling shoulders. "He's gone Sakura...our mission is over..."

"We Failed. We must return and report this to the Hokage."

I look up to see the face of my sensei deep in remorse and yet...I couldn't allow myself to show my tears. I bite them back and stood, the boy still in my arms...

"Hai..."

Somehow I wished I was not sent on this mission.

My body ached and everything in me wanted to just stop and rest.

Run away and hide from this memory. But I couldn't.

_Shinobi rule #25_ _A Shinobi must never show emotion._

I recite this prayer in my mind as I lay the boy upon the heap of dead corpses collected after the battle

_Rule 25...A shinobi must never show emotion._

I bend down and slowly close his eyes...

_Must never..._

His face now illuminated peace...and yet within the depths of his contours there was pain...pain that_ I _could not prevent.

_Show...emotion..._

Deciding that there were too many...casualties...to all bury in a single night we placed all the corpses in a pile and set a blaze upon them...letting their bodies burn in an inferno that would erase their existence upon the earth.

It was the quickest way..._"What morbid logic..."_

The fire spread rapidly...the boy's face still visible amidst the flames that engulfed the heap of dead...his face still slept in tranquil slumber while being devoured by embers. The smell from the bonfire caused my whole being to rupture in disgust. And yet I could not complain...after all this is the life I chose to live.

The life of a Shinobi...

I stand and help the rest scout the area once more before returning back to Konoha.

Our mission had failed.

**I had failed the most.**

All I could feel now was emptiness...and yet as I looked forth within the mass of what would seem the remnants of a devastating battle I could see the pain within their eyes...pain that had left me numb... _Right now I want to join them. _

* * *

She scouted the area taking in every detail that had ravaged this once peaceful village. Soon, her feet reached the shrine that she had visited only hours ago.

Fire engulfed the shrine...not one visible sign of life could be heard from within... She emerged from the bloodied corpses lying near her feet walking past a street paved by the dead... lives of many...ended by a single battle. A battle fought to safeguard the sanctity of the mission they were ordered.

They failed.

Even though they secured vital information of Orochimaru's location through the battle with one of the sound-nins…looking at the sight before her.

They had still failed.

She had failed even more.

_"Tsunade's apprentice…and yet I couldn't save them…"_

She sighed, looking upon the night sky she sighed _"Seems like they're all dancing now…"_

She kept a keen eye on the beheaded children that lay sprawled upon the steps of the fallen sanctuary... so young...and yet, even with her skills as a medic-nin...skills that her legendary Sannin bestowed upon her knowledge... there was nothing in her power...nothing that could bring them back to their original form.

"Damnit" she cursed her incompetence..."If I had only..." she closed her eyes and kept walking past the gaping heads of the youth and entered the shrine... The fire continued to eat away the remains of what used to stand as a monument of peace. "I still can't do anything..." ...as though her simple prayer was heard by the gods themselves... a desperate cry of agony came ringing within the slumber of her numbed thoughts... she rushed forth into the blazing heat...rushed into hell... to save the cry of the one who saved her life.

Maybe...all was not lost after all.

She rushed into the blazing heat determined to find the source of the agonizing scream. Within the chambers of the inner sanctuary lay a girl…possibly a year or two older than herself. A piece of the shrine's structure had fallen on her and as soon as seeing this Sakura darted towards her and, thanks to her unbelievable physical abilities, lifted the burden off of the fallen maiden. However, despite this heroic act the battered being of a woman before her was still in agony and was nearing the brink of death.

"One more try…" she whispered.

_"Please.Tou-san…guides me once more… please…"_ she prayed as she began forming hand seals to prepare for her jutsu. Green light emitted from her palms and she pressed unto the woman's body. She tried to tell Sakura…something…but she was so frail and weak that the sound was barely audible…and Sakura only continued with her jutsu…

"Please…heal…" she could feel her life slowly slipping away. Then it came… visions of that boy who died in her arms…the children on the shrine's steps…

Her father's smiling face…mother's warm hugs…her sister's laugh…

…. Their bodies dead and pinned in an alleyway….

It was then that the tears came…and yet she did not recognize them in their presence…she continued to push chakra into the woman's body neglecting the risk for her own life…

_"NO! Damnit! I can't…I won't…I won't fail!"_

"Not…this time…"

The woman's body started to rupture…she was closing death…in another desperate attempt…Sakura fumbled to form a fluid sequence of hand seals and tightly wrapped the woman in her arms releasing chakra from every possible opening that her body allowed…

"Please don't---"

"Don't…."

"Don't," she pleaded…

That's when she felt it.

A warm glow within her…she couldn't distinguish what it was…it was warm…welcoming…sobering…. serene…

Then what followed were sharp jabs of pain that surged through her entire body…. perhaps death was devouring her as well…and yet she continued to heal the woman with what little chakra she had left within her.

"Please don't…don't…. don't… dance with them just yet…."

White light. That was the last thing she saw before she fell into unconsciousness.

* * *

**And that is the end of chapter threeeee! ooooo i wonder what happened? is she dead? hmmm! oooo...yea im a little hyper right now.**

**but anyway. hope you all enjoyed the story so far**

**r&r plz and plz be nice **


	5. To revisit To remember To Regret

**Oi… so many hits yet so little reviews…should I even continue this story at ALL?**

**But he he knowing me…it will keep bothering my thoughts if I don't write it down somewhere…so here:**

**Ayu **

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

**To revisit. To remember. To regret. **

Fear.

That's the only way I can describe how it felt to see what I want to erase from my memory…

How could this have happened?

How could I not see this coming? I thought as I sit outside the Godaime's office waiting to hear news of her condition.

I have underestimated the circumstances when I should have known better.

_"Lesson #1 A ninja must learn to see beyond deception…"_

It was all but a "simple mission…"

Or so we thought.

Throughout the years of tribulation that I have endured how could I have faltered on the very first rule bestowed upon the way of the Shinobi?

"Ne-ne Sasuke, Teme! Do you think Sakura-chan will be alright?" my thoughts abruptly cut short by the blond-haired nincompoop

"…"

"AAAY SASUKE! I'm talking to you!"

"_17 and still he acts like an idiot…"_

"Shut up dobe! Do _I _look psychic to you?" I sighed "Besides she's in the hands of the Godaime now…I'm quite certain that she is in good hands…or do you _doubt_ the Hokage's abilities?"

"What? Of—of course not…how can I doubt granny-tsunade? Besides If I did…she'd kill me with one punch…" he replied, scratching the nape of his neck. "I'm just worried about Sakura-chan…even on our way back to the village…she wasn't…she didn't even flinch on bit…she seemed as though she were…dead…but…."

Silence.

"It _is_ strange" Sai interjected "Losing a substantial amount of Chakra because of medical techniques can substantially cause one to be unconscious at least for a day or so…but…never _this _long…and…"

He paused as Naruto and I direct our attention towards him. His face poised as though rifling through his head for the proper words to say…stoic and unmoving…

The similarities were so uncanny…

The same dark hair

The same determined eyes filled with the intent to _kill_

So alike…this _replacement _they found for me…and yet so different. In the years of my absence he had attained something I never could with team seven.

A family.

I knew I was still accepted by these people…Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura…if not then they would never have retrieved me…

And yet, unlike Sai I could not let them accept me completely as a part of their family…

I look at the man before me…leaning against the wall staring off into the distance with his eyes steady upon the horizon…

Similar yet set apart…

I never did have any patience to get acquainted with this individual even after my return…

"And. and what?" Naruto impatiently pried

"And she's…_different_…"

"Different?"

"Hai…I thought you'd notice it too Naruto, knowing that you care for her so much…"

"Well.Uhh…I still don't---"

"Aayy… are you _really _the future number one Hokage?" Sai continued

"Of course I am…I just wanted to know how you can tell…"

"I feel it…her presence…her aura…it's different…it's…_new_…refreshing…serene…"

"…Eerie…"

Silence followed once more. Naruto started to open his mouth but was interrupted as the door to the Hokage's office swung opened, Kakashi emerged with his visible eye, reflecting a solemn look that was only seen in his most vulnerable moments near the monument.

"Kakashi-sensei! How is she?" started Naruto "Has granny-Tsunade figured out what's wrong with her yet?"

The man before them sighed at the sight of such determined simplicity…It's been three weeks since Sakura was admitted into the hospital…three weeks since she showed any sign of life, surely the boy should _know _the severity of the situation even without the proper exchange of acknowledged words…but this after all was the infamous Naruto Uzumaki…Konoha's number one knuckle-headed future Hokage…

"_Oh how I feel safe knowing he's the future to this village" _I sniffle a laugh at the thought.

"According to the Hokage she's doing better Naruto…they put her on a special treatment to restore and stabilize her chakra…she should be awake soon…so why don't you go tomorrow to the hospital and visit her, I'm sure she'll greatly appreciate it…" his visible eye forming a soft creased smile…yet deep down I knew it hid something more…but what?

I peered into his eye as he looked at me…I gazed intently wondering if his barrier should falter and if he should reveal the reality of the situation…but he merely sighed and turned his head away after what would seem like an eternity of silence.

"Ne—anyway…it's getting late and the Hokage has other matters to attend to…let's be off… we shall meet tomorrow for our sparring session at the same location understood?"

"Poof!"

With that he left us to ponder upon her condition.

"OH YEA!" Naruto jumped in glee

"What the hell are you so happy about Dobe?"

"Sasuke didn't you hear? Kakashi-sense said that Granny-Tsunade said that Sakura-chan is going to be fine! Isn't that great!"

I stare in disbelief at the young kyuubi before me. Had he not noticed the sadness in Kakashi's voice? The somber yet distant look in his eyes? The hesitant miserable posture he portrayed? Is Naruto really this dense…I sighed and glanced at my side where Sai was bowing his head as well…It would seem that we both conveyed the same concern about the situation…and of Naruto's failure to…connect the dots…

"You're…so…stupid…_Stupid_…" I sighed before shrouding myself in smoke for my departure.

My thoughts revert back to that infamous moonlit night.

* * *

The attack had been severe. 

We all pulled together and subdued the enemy…

And yet, no one survived…despite our greatest efforts to safeguard the ones we were _**supposed** _to protect…we couldn't the damages were done. There was nothing else we could do but provide some sense of remorse for the lost… and yet she was there…she sat still…a boy in her arms…she never let go…never let doubt enter her thoughts even as the boy's life faded into eternity…she still kept her rituals of healing…

Why can she not see the loss in front of her?

Why is it that she always chooses to deny the pain?

**"**_**Such a fool"** _I thought as Kakashi stepped forth to stop her task before she depleted herself clean of chakra… "Hai" she replied with a curt nod, the boy still within her arms. Her eyes were as empty as mine…it gave me an odd sense of nostalgia all of a sudden and I brush it off before diving into such thoughts…

But they were empty…her eyes…

Void of the vitality that it once possessed in her youth. True, since the demise of her family she had lost all signs of life…but that was normal as I have been through the same path…I know the pain…

The difference was…

I chose to hate…

She chose to become numb…

I continue to watch as she laid the sleeping boy upon the heap of corpses we collected…I watched as she silently noted each detail on his face before setting the heap ablaze…

Still there was nothing in her eyes…the once jade orbs were now dim and gray…

Hollow…

Empty…

Am I so insensitive that I could not even give her the comfort that Naruto, Kakashi and Sai can?

Perhaps…

Then again…I went through suffering as well… I have overcome the odds and so must she…

But have I really?

I instantly break out of my daze as I hear Kakashi's command of scouting the area once more before we leave. I give him a steady nod and instantly leap off into the distance…my thoughts still following me in speed…

It hadn't taken me more than 20 minutes to finish my scout around the village perimeters…the tiny village devoured by death…it sickened me to the pit of my stomach…and I head back…. As I reach my destination three figures stood to greet me…Naruto, remorseful and still, Sai unfazed and contemplative, Kakashi apathetic…. yet in despair…. and…Sakura? I scan the area and see that it lacked her presence.

"I have already finished my rounds of the village…there's no more trace of life…" I paused letting the feeling of failure sink in before continuing. "The Godaime will not be pleased with the results…" I sighed… "By the way… where is Sakura?"

"I was going to ask you the same…it seems as though she has yet to return and it's already been more than half an hour…. and we should really be heading back…there is still a possibility that the enemy has already sent for reinforcements…and in our current state, I doubt we would be able to hold them back..." Kakashi replied, concern evident in his voice.

"Hai…" replied Naruto "Let's go look for her then Kaka-sensei…besides…this place…is starting to make me…sick…" he sighed.

"I'll go…" I offered as I turn and began my search for the kunoichi.

Not far from where I began my search did I hear a painstaking cry of agony emitting from the distance. I leaped from each rooftop and bound towards the sound.

Bright light.

Such intensity of chakra flowed within the chambers of the sanctuary before me…then I heard it once more…a woman's cry of agony…. familiarity struck me at that moment.

"Sakura…"

I increased the speed in my flight until I reached the bowels of the fallen monument. There lay Sakura her eyes wide-open and empty… Not far from her hold was a body of a dead woman… _"She must've tried to…"_ My thoughts cut short by the sudden surge of chakra from Sakura's body. "_What was happening? Medical techniques should not emit such violent consequences…" _Try as I may to come near her another surge of chakra from her body pushed me away.

Then, just as soon as this phenomenon occurred… It ended with another violent storm of energy…then nothing…the monument was now dark and empty…gone were the embers that threatened to engulf it…now it was nothing more than an ash-ridden heap of wood and death. I crouch near Sakura's fallen frame and slowly extract the woman from her hold. Her chakra was now completely gone…that occurrence was perhaps the cause of her forcibly trying to extract chakra from her already depleted source in order to save the woman…such instances were not unheard of…not to mention risky and ultimately life-threatening…the consequence of performing such a thing would cause an uncontrollable wave of chakra that has the potential to end the life of the one who wielded it. This time she was lucky that it hadn't eaten her away. Why was she so desperate to save this woman's life?

The woman's face pale and empty just as Sakura's…I slowly placed Sakura in my arms and felt that her breathing was faltering. I panicked… I place her body down once again and put my fingers near her neck to check for a pulse.

Her pulse did not emit the same beat that each human is inherently born with…instead each pulse varied in intensity…One moment fast and unwavering…. the next slow and steady…then nothing…then it will start once again…the cycle was not in tune with the heart's normal rhythm… _"I should be thankful that there's still a heartbeat…but still…"_ I sigh and place her upon my arms once more…surely the Godaime would know how to fix this…we should really head back.

Her body hung lightly within my arms. Her stature so frail and tiny compared to my own…that moment I felt an unknown feeling bubble deep within me…Sure, I cared for the girl just as I would a friend…but this feeling was different…it was new…it was…passionate? As though I wanted to just hold her like this in my arms forever…protecting her from the scars of the world…I looked down and saw the pain and the sadness written in her face and I scorned myself for not being able to prevent it…but why? Was I _feeling "things"_ for this girl? This girl that has caused me so many migraines over the years…this girl that I deemed weaker than Naruto… I brush such trivial ideas aside and returned to where the rest of team seven assembled.

* * *

I snap out of my trance as I found my way home. It had already been three weeks since we have returned from our mission. Three weeks since that fateful night…three weeks since I held her in my arms…and since then she had not shown any sign of life within her…I sigh and look above at the gloomy sky…why was I so concerned for her? …This feeling deep within me… _"If you want to beat me…hate…detest…"_

Itachi's words ring as an eternal reminder within me…

No…I must rid myself of these _"feelings." _Sakura is nothing more than a teammate, one who helped with my return and rehabilitation from Orochimaru.

I turn around from my path and head towards where she slumbered.

These emotions are nothing.

* * *

The revelation of her "condition" left Kakashi numb… "_How was this possible…? Surely she had not--- "_ No, he brushed the thought aside…Sakura was not like that… there must have been a different reason for why this fate has now taken hold of her. Kakashi sighed and turned towards his window… _"Sakura… I want for you to open your eyes to the light of day…I want for you to be awake again…I want for you to be with us again…but…it scares me to think of how you will you be able to accept what has and will happen" _Kakashi sighed. He had always reserved a soft and special spot for the pink-haired kunoichi within his heart. Her smiles and bubbly persona reminded him so much of the spring…and of the childhood that he never had the chance of living. _"Such an atrocious thing could not have happened to her" _He repeated…Sakura knows better. _His _Sakura knows better…_ "My Sakura?" _he sighed. Throughout the years of their camaraderie each pupil had grown beyond his expectations…and each of them he was proud…but out of the three…Sakura had grown the most…gone was the timid young girl who fled and hid at the sight of battle…now she was a true determined young woman…and true to the test of age and time, her beauty was unmatched…each man within the region desired for her affection. The long pink strands of her hair, the alluring curves of her toned and slender body would send any man into the state of bliss and oblivion…and it was apparent in her increased number of suitors throughout the years…much to His, Naruto and Sai's dismay, they'd try to guard her from such unruly men. He cared for the young girl…how much? He would never know and he would never allow himself the privilege to know…it was taboo…forbidden…but he would continue to care for her…even if it be as a daughter…he would sooner let the devil himself strike him down before severing the connection with her because of this forbidden infatuation. 

But still he missed her…or at least…he missed what she _used_ to be…

In the past year following the brutal deaths of her family, Sakura had been different…distant…cold…gone was the were the smiles and laughes…the spring has now been devoured by the winter…and this new incident he hoped would not increase the turmoil within her numbed state.

And he would see to it that it doesn't.

After this revelation…he swore to the Hokage herself that he'd do everything in his power to see that she be taken care of properly…and that the villagers tolerate the _circumstances _she is now dealt with. He swore to protect her no matter what…together with Naruto, Sai and Sasuke…they were a family…_his _family…. and he'd be damned to see it falter cause of this…

* * *

In her office Tsunade paced back and forth in such velocity that she would be able to create a crevice within her path. "This doesn't make any logical sense…not unless.." she pushed the thought aside. Just as Kakashi she would not allow herself to place such nonsense into her thoughts. She raised Sakura to know better…

When team seven had arrived she was shocked to see the condition in which Sakura had been. But after hearing Uchiha's explanation of her failed attempt in reviving a fallen maiden, she understood that Sakura's chakra was now unstable and it was likely the cause for her now immobile state. She assigned a medic staff to overlook the procedure of her examination as she turned her attention to the failed mission. It was confirmed that it was Orochimaru's doing that lead to the destruction of the village…his reasons for doing so was still unknown…but she did not blame team seven for their failure, for she herself thought that it would be nothing more than a "walk in the park" mission so to say…but they were all wrong…and now they must suffer through the consequences…she looked upon Sakura's body and sighed… "she should awake soon" he reassured her teammates…but days passed and so did the weeks... every other day exams and treatments where performed on Sakura…until the third week when Tsunade had received the finalized document of her apprentice's condition did she realize the quagmire Sakura was in.

"I have to know how this was possible…" she sighed…looking at the documents she had received three weeks prior…" Documents from her examination…documents she wanted to forget…documents that she wanted to disregard…information that she didn't want to believe…but it was true…after performing the examination herself…she found that the contents of the small manila folder where true…

When Sakura awakes…she will ask her… even if it brings back unwanted memories…she would ask her…

Surely there was another reason for this…another explanation….

But still, to be sure…she would ask her….

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Who the father is…


	6. Ramblings of a fool

**Chapter five.**

**Ramblings of a fool.**

I silently creep in the room that shelters you…

I see you're face so deep in slumber…void of the pain that was heard throughout that midnight sky….

How is it that I care for you so?

Even as the eerie circumstances of life separates us

Even as my own frustrations create this gap between our hearts

Even as the fates of the world have barred the idolatries of romance and the enigmas of our being into one distorted web of hate and remorse…

What makes our heart crumble is what tempts me to be _with _you…and yet…I cannot

Even as I…

… Long for your touch

Your hope…

And the lingering kisses that I have only tasted within the sanctity of my thoughts…

I cannot.

This happiness is not something I deserve…

I cannot. But still…

You're laugh, your smile your earthy glow is what forms the entity of my humanity.

It is what guarantees me the hope that I need to endure the suffering…

However, it seems as though that has vanished as well…

And I could not prevent it…

I am strong.

I am brave.

I am daring.

And yet I am nothing compared to you…

It is because of this that I cannot restore your life to what it was before. I cannot replace your smiles, your laughs or your love…

I brush my hand against your cheek… so soft and tender…

Your beauty never fades even in the depths of slumber…

Where have you gone?

I long for the day to be with you

Forever underneath the vastness of the heavens I crave for the day that our lives intertwine within the tapestry of life…

And yet…

I resist…

I shun you aside…

Deep down within the crevice of my unforeseen shadows I resist your glow…

Your touch.

Your scent.

Your warmth…

Your lips pressed against mine…

I resist the temptations that bind me so close to you… I shove them away…hidden in my thoughts…I keep them concealed.

I look upon you and tremble.

I look upon you and my body caves in anticipation…

I look upon you and shower you with neglect…

I call you names.

I taunt and tease your weaknesses.

I look down upon your optimism

I glare at you with malice and annoyance…

But…

Each time

Each time I perform these unforgivable crimes… my heart slowly sinks in misery…my mind goes into a subdued state of _nothing_… and my hate devours my entire being…

Each time…

I look and see the sadness in your eyes…

So fragile…

So delicate…

So vivid…

So achingly _beautiful…_

I muster every bit of my strength to resist from pulling you into my arms and burying you into my heart…

Each time…

I end up scorning myself for hurting you…

Regret takes its toll and I forcibly try to pry the thoughts outside my head repeating mantras of refusal, denial and hate behind my stoic persona…

I try to convince myself that I am not deserving of your love or even your presence…

And yet the egotistical bastard within me prevails and repeats unwanted yet tolerated thoughts within me…

"_**You **don't deserve me," _it whispers into my hollowed form…

_Not deserving of **me…**_

No…

It is _I _that is not worthy of you…

I no longer hold the ability to feel love…

What escapes my emotions is hate…vengeance…

This is the path I chose to follow….

This path tainted with the black plague of hate

A color that will never greet you with warmth.

It does not suit you…

_I_ do not suit you…

I want…yet I can't.

You're so damn annoying… 

But still

Some part of me still…longs for you…

Even now…when you carry upon your shoulders traces of my character…details of my life that has sent my soul in a deliberate isolation from the world…

Why?

Why did this happen?

Why have you become like _me_?

The sadness in your eyes…

The solitude in which you have punished yourself with…

The emptiness…the guilt…the regrets…

This…is not your life to live…the path paved in front of you is as similar as mine…

Should you submit to the temptations as well?

No…

At least…I can hope….

But why should I care?

Why?

Why…Damnit! WHY?

Why do I have to _be _this way?

Why can I not love you as you have always with me?

Why is it that this pain in my heart only subsides when you are around?

Why is it that you still accept me as the monster that I am?

It infuriates me…

I hate it.

It makes me feel so…

Incompetent 

It makes me want to forget the purpose that has kept me alive all these years…

Perhaps…that's why…

**I can never love you.**

If love has the power to make one strong…

Then it has the ability to destroy as well…

Perhaps this is why I push you away…

I fear being weak…

I fear being sheltered in comfort…

I fear ever caring for anyone again…

I fear forgetting my promise…

I fear abandoning my "destiny"

_I am the avenger._

I can't

To endure the agony of losing…someone precious…

No, I cannot risk such a thing through this ludicrous notion we call _love_.

To stand-alone is my best and _only_ defense…

I must…despite the longing… I must push you away….

From this day forth…you will truly mean **nothing** to me… 

I still have my mission to complete…

I cannot afford to become weak because of your love…

**How pathetic would that be?**

This insatiable longing I have for you will die…even if it be by my hands…

Even if my own sanity would prove me ill…I will keep them buried within the graveyards of my past despite protests from my bleeding morality.

The secrets of my soul shall die before the sun shines upon the rugged contours of its despicable intentions.

I can't have you.

I won't have you.

I don't _need _you.

…And still it hurts to realize this…

Damn the circumstances of life… 

I thank you for returning me…

I thank you for showing me what it's like to be cared for…

I thank you for agonizing over my loss…

I thank you for believing in me…

I thank you for…just _being_

But this is where it all stops…

For the second time I thank you…

But don't worry; be rest assured…that I _will_ remain within this village…that much I owe to all of you still…

But team seven shall be void of my presence and never will I open up my life to others again…

To reveal is to be incompetent.

To be cared for is useless…

To love _you_ is to be weak…

I retract my hand from your face and peer down upon your sleeping form…

For the second time I thank you…

For the second time I detach myself from you and Team Seven

_I love you…_

_Goodbye…_

* * *

**To continue or not to continue _That _is the question**

**what do ya'll think?**

**sincerely,**

**ayu...**


	7. Worth

**_"Inner Sakura"_**

_"Sakura thinking"_

**_disclaimer: _I do not own naruto (sigh) but I do own this story and all other original characters in it.**

**with that said**

**on with the story**

**enjoy:**

**>ayu **

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6**

**Worth**

_"I love you"_

"_Good bye…"_

As I turn and leave you in your slumber I hear you whisper in reply. Faint and slow did it reach my senses…

And yet…

It struck such a force of guilt, pain and longing within me…

You…only you who posses the means to destroy me with one word…

With one sound…

All within the rhythmic pattern of my name…

"Sasuke…" you breathed, as I turn to take my departure.

* * *

For the duration of the next two weeks, Sakura had remained still as though the tides of emotions that have passed through her left her empty…frail…yet rigid against it's destruction.

She had already been awake from her prolonged slumber for a few days now. Once her chakra was stabilized to it's normal levels she could fully function her limbs and senses once more…but it was a hard road to recovery…In the physical sense; it meant nothing…but deep down…her heart would ache as she pondered over and over and over in her mind the events returned slowly to her memory. Groggily reopening her eyes to a world that she had been exiled from in what seemed like an eternity caused her senses to wake in frenzy. She had only a small recollection of the events that had passed weeks prior to her hospitalization…she remembered the fire…the death…even the disgusting smell of burning corpses…but they came to her in short glimpses in space and time…she remembered the boy in her arms…. and the dead woman she tried so desperately to resuscitate back to life…

She remembered what she had done…

What she was never allowed by the natural laws to even _attempt_

Her memory failed her for a few days…not being able to recognize certain things, events and even people…and yet…that night…the night underneath the blankets of stars was still vividly stained in her dreams…. as for the other aspects of her failing memory, the Godaime assured her that they were only the normal side effects from the treatments that she had received for her recovery. Though she had awoken to the familiar, the world that circled her—it's ambiance—seemed different…

She had expected to find Naruto's enthusiastic display of shouts and screams of affection combined with his deadly bear hugs and monstrous smiles.

She had expected Sai's mutual, yet mocking reply ending with a "glad you're okay ugly," or a "pipe down you dickless wonder" in reference to Naruto's (as of the moment non-existent) exuberance.

She had expected to be greeted by Tsunade's disapproving gaze for her failed and fatal attempt with the resurrection jutsu while being greeted by her warm yet distressed smiles.

She had expected to see Kakashi behind his orange book with his visible eye gazing at her in a semi-creased smile with an almost fatherly adoration.

And Sasuke?

Well…he on the other hand exceeded her expectations completely…

He never came…not once even after her reawakening had she seen his face…

She would learn from Kakashi and the rest later on that he had been distant from everyone in the past few weeks upon their arrival… that only led the pink-haired beauty undistracted from pondering the circumstances…_her_ circumstances…

She did not awake to warm smiles and comforting reassurances, but with solemn looks of dread…sadness…and pity? It was as though they held an almost peculiar untold secret behind each of their auras… a secret she knew…yet she could not come close to completely admitting…at least…not yet…

She had wondered then, why they had given her such a solemn greeting…she wondered why they had looked at her that way the moment her eyes fluttered open into reality…

She wondered why Naruto would not even come near her, looking at her as though she were a fragile piece of porcelain.

She wondered why Sai would not meet her gaze—the once sardonic man was now transformed into a sad and frightened fool who merely turned his head away in silence.

She wondered why Tsunade's eyes had lost their fierce authoritative glow each time she looked at her…her eyes now deep in remorse and saddened by a fear that Sakura could not decipher.

She wondered why Kakashi's composure lacked its usual lazy stance but was now replaced by one that held an air of sorrow…of guilt…

…. But… why…?

Why did they all scorn her with their eyes?

The way each pair would stare at her…roaming every surface of her skin, her heart, her mind, and her soul trapping her freedom within such grievance as though marking her with indifference…changed…unworthy…

Why? 

The answer came soon enough as the Godaime requested a private audience with the pink-haired kunoichi to discuss matters pertaining to her _daring attempt_ and towards her "condition"

The memory of the conversation still lucid in her thoughts…

Sakura drew in a sharp breath which she released in a few passing moments into freedom. Lying on her bed she merely stared at the rotating fan above her, moving her eyes to it's oscillating motion. She was now home…_home_…her _home_…it was supposed to be a place of sanctity…a refuge for the lost and weary…but her home was no such place…. each step she took…. each corner she turned reminded her of what she had lost because of her weakness…. because of her _incompetence…_ She lay on her bed unmoving as her thoughts traveled to back to that fateful conversation with her sensei, Tsunade-sama

* * *

Tsunade had turned to make sure that they were undisturbed as the door to the hospital room that sheltered Sakura made a faint "click" emphasizing the silence that followed. She had already discussed Sakura's condition to the rest of team seven and informed them that they should be rest-assured about Sakura's condition…for as far as the tests prove, her health is still more above the norm…except for one detail that cursed her curiosity

she could remember Naruto's vociferous cries for explanations...explanations that she could not provide...

_"How is this possible OLD HAG! who the hell would do this to her!"_

_"Naruto..calm down!...I will question her when she has regained consciousness...now please leave before I throw you out!"_

…Tsunade just had to know…_how…when…_more importantly_…who…_

"Sakura…" Tsunade began, breaking her out of her trance.

"Hai…? Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade was smart, knowing full well that such discussions should not be taken so lightly…or so abruptly…however such circumstances did not provide her with a subtle entry. So she would start out slow…

"You know the limits to one's capacity… you of all people should not have dared the impossible… she paused studying the look of forlorn and distress written across her pupil's face. She walked towards the bed an sat by its edge. _"Tsunade-sama…she knows…of course she does…she's a Sennin after all…" _Sakura inwardly pondered fearing for the worst. She knew she had broken the laws of nature…broken the vow she had sworn to Tsunade years ago…

* * *

_She remembered that day… the day she made that promise…_

_On that cold October day, Tsunade had asked her to organize the justsu scrolls that the Sandaime had left… being the obedient apprentice that she was she quickly obliged and set forth into the task at hand. Little did she know that she'd encounter the key that would change her fate with the stars forever…_

_A small black scroll…hidden and buried within the inner most compounds of the Sandaime's abandoned properties…_

_It was peculiar in shape…yet alluring in it's presence…_

_The obedient kunoichi within her battled her urges to reveal its contents…_

_Yet her inner self pushed her into temptation…_

'_**I'm sure one peek won't hurt…'**_

'_But Tsunade-sama said to only organize it…not to---"_

'_**Aay… are you really a ninja? If you were sent on a mission would you ask the enemy permission before striking them?'**_

'_But…'_

**_'Come-on…one peek…'_**

'_Oh.All right…' _

_Finally submitting to the taunts and provocations of her inner self, Sakura delicately opened the tiny scroll and stood in shock at what it had revealed…_

"_Resurrection Healing jutsu…"she whispered._

"_A jutsu that hones the ability to revive a fallen life from sudden death…" she paused 'isn't this like the kinjutsu Orochimaru developed…? The one he tried to trick Tsunade-sama with?' _

_She continued to read…each word enticed her…lured her into the spell's binding captivity… "So this jutsu is different from his…this revives the fallen when only when their bodies are still fresh from death where as Orochimaru's jutsu requires sacrifices for the technique to fully function…" she stated to herself recalling how Tsunade had explained Orochimaru's insatiable lust for the forbidden…She kept on reading until she finally came across the symbols for the hand seals that released this power. She was almost tempted to try it…dare to experiment with it…until her eyes caught something else…_

_Stored away within the bottom of the scroll, was a neatly folded piece of parched paper…on it where a different set of hand seals scribbled in what would appear as the handwriting of the late Hokage. Sakura stared in disbelief at the specialized jutsu scribbled before her. She kept reading on as she encountered a small note written on its margin that distinctly labeled "Forbidden."_

"_Is this even possible?" she breathed rifling through her brains for a possible answer yet before she could summon an explanation, the door swung behind her revealing her sensei struck with an anger that Sakura had never been acquainted with. With the limited time she had to react she unknowingly disposed of the folded paper and placed it safely tucked away within the hem of her shirt. Tsunade took gentle yet stern strides across the linen floor and grabbed the opened scroll within her hands. Sakura could only bow in defeat as Tsunade examined the contents of the scroll before her…anger mixed in a whirlwind of disappointment written verbatim across her face. _

_That's when it happened…she had slapped Sakura in the face…strong enough to be harsh yet gentle enough to understand._

"_Sakura, life revolves in a cycle of beginning and end…I THOUGHT you'd be SMARTER than this…the resurrection justsu is one that is proved fatal to the whoever tampers with the laws of nature… **Swear **to me that you shall never tamper with such foolish ideals…!"_

"_I swear Tsunade-sama…I swear…" Sakura sighed with her head hung low…tears forming within the ridges of her eyes._

_It wasn't until she had reached her home that she realized…_

_That within the safety of her attire was the small-parched paper, which she abruptly hid from Tsunade's gaze._

_The one labeled by the Sandaime as "forbidden"_

_The one that would allow her to live once more…_

* * *

"You swore to me, Sakura…performing that revival jutsu on that woman was careless… it could have left you in a far worse disposition…" tsunade sighed.

Sakura somehow found herself relieved by her Sensei's words _"So… was this what she was worried about…?" _

"To provide life from death…"

"Is forbidden…" Finished Sakura "But shouldn't it be that no man has not the right nor the privilege to take the life of another? As a medic-nin my sworn duty is to protect and heal the lives of people…not to just watch them waste away within my arms knowing full well that I have the ability to provide for them life…even if my own soul is sacrificed in the process…" Sakura paused, taking in a deep needed breath of air "all those people, Tsunade-sama…all those people…lost…and I couldn't…. I _couldn't…_" her voice was only a mere whisper as she clutched the sheets that surrounded her with such intensity that it left her fists pale as snow. "I held a boy in my arms…he was no younger than Lin was…so frail…he looked at me with those eyes…and in that moment I could feel his life slip away from me… In that moment I saw my sister's face and I began to push everything I had…all my energy…all my will…all my love…into the body of that young boy…but I couldn't…before the cells began to regenerate he had already left…. and it was _I _that could not save him…and in the end all I could do was close his eyes and watch him slumber in eternity within the inferno of corpses that we collected…all I could do… was close his eyes one last time…" Sakura looked away to where the window was and saw the bright blue skies that painted the heavens. "Then, when I had thought of myself incompetent…I found the broken woman in the sanctuary…she had the same eyes as the boy…I told myself…. told myself that this time I'd give it my all…that I'd save her…that I didn't give a damn anymore even if it meant crashing full force into oblivion, into death and beyond…as long as I saved _some_ part of this human being…then…it would have been worth it…. that was why I broke the laws of the natural world…" Sakura sighed in defeat her head bowed low as she let sorrow cascade through her broken morality "and still…despite all that…despite my greatest efforts…all I could do in the end… was close her eyes…"

Tsunade had realized the extent of the sorrow that had befallen the young girl before her and in those instant flashes of her former self settled in her memory. Was she the same when Dan and Nawaki was lost from her grasp? Was she ever this…_naïve…foolish?_

'Dan…Nawaki…even now…the memory still haunts me…' 

"People die Sakura," retorted Tsunade with an almost matter-of-fact tone that startled Sakura. "You forget that you chose the life of a Shinobi—a life paved by death…death which sadly…provides for our survival… we are not gods Sakura…we cannot wield such power in our hands…"

"No we are not…we are shinobi…we aren't sons and daughters of any god…we are the fabrication of the devil…" Sakura sneered in response. "That is a _true_ Shinobi…"

"Sakura…"

"All I wanted… was to try and save a life…all I was trying to accomplish was to put my so called skills to good use…so am I…am I being reprimanded for that?" the last few words were a faint whisper.

In the years of her tutelage of the young kunoichi Tsunade had recognized her higher than most of the elite ninja in Konoha and if not the most prominent medic within the region…. she was proud of her…and more importantly…she loved her and regarded her as a daughter. "No one is reprimand you Sakura…" She whispered as she leaned over and gave the kunoichi a tight yet loving embrace

"You're eyes tell me differently…"

"…"

"You're eyes…all of you…they all seem to scorn me…for what I've done…for my failure…ALL THIS FUCKING TRAINING…and I'm…still _useless_…"

"Was it worth it?" Tsunade asked cupping Sakura's chin lovingly making her set here gaze upon her jaded orbs _"Was it worth getting hurt? Was it?"_

"…"

"Sakura…we were all deeply worried for you…and for your current…_condition…_" Tsunade replied never letting go of her apprentice…making a clear emphasis on the last few words…

"Condition?"

"Hai—" Tsunade freed Sakura from her embrace and her once loving gaze turned into the eyes of pity that have greeted her from here wake…

"Sakura…you're pregnant…"

With that Tsunade looked down with sadness still lingering within the contours of her face at the distressed kunoichi…

The silence that had followed was beyond excruciating. The memory of the encounter still shocked her…the pain that had passed through her body…the tears that had cascaded down her face…the screams…the agony…

She remembered it…

Yet…

_'Was it worth it?'_

She knew the consequences…but was she ready to face it? The torment of the years to come…the isolation…the loneliness…the whispers and the murmurs of gossips that would soon engulf her identity within the village…

_'Was it worth it?'_

Was it worth abandoning the life she knew…was it worth the scornful eyes that would soon stare into her soul…was it worth the innocence she is now deprived of…was it worth forgetting…was it worth…moving on?

Sakura smiled inwardly and asked, "Do the others know?"

"Yes...Kakashi and I have already informed them of your circumstances..."

"I see...how did they take it?"

"I think..that, that matter should be discussed between you and team seven...they are very eager to see you...relieved to know that you are safe...dazed by what you are now faced with..."

"I see..."

Silence.

"Sakura…are you certain you still want to go through with this?" Tsunade asked

"…Hai…I am sure…"

Tsunade nodded and released her hold on the kunoichi… "But Sakura…" her face now filled with worry…

"I must know…" she sighed…. "How was this possible…where you in any way…" releasing a deep sigh, Tsunade braced herself for the worst possible scenario.

"Where you in anyway…. violated?"

"Do you know the identity of the child's father?...sakura I must _know_"

There was no reply that came from Sakura…. She had told the truth…but Sakura knew…she knew deep down what the _truth_ was…and yet she could not muster the courage to reveal it…she wouldn't…

At least…not for now…

Not until the past has been buried behind her…

Not until…she would fully forget…

Not until then would she reveal the child's origins…

"Sakura…you must tell me…where you—"

"No… Tsunade-sama…I wasn't…"

"Then who is..."

"I don't know..."

"**Sakura! DONT LIE TO ME!** if you know who the bastard is that did this to you--"

**"I don't know." **gritted Sakura through her teeth, Tsunade take aback by her apprentice's reation. But she could see it...her eyes held truth...no doubt...no confusion...

...just truth...

truth that hid something more...but it was somethin Sakura was not ready to reveal...and so she would wait until the time came for it to be freed from the young kunoichi's conscience.

Tsunade could only sigh as she was mesmerized by the defiant yet firm gaze that Sakura held at that moment...eyes that held truth and unwavering determination... a look she had not seen spark in her since the day she asked to become her apprentice...a look that had died the die her parents were brutally cast aside from the land of the living...

In that moment.

She could see...Sakura's former being was alive once again...

"Are…you certain that you are fully prepared for this…Sakura?"

"Hai…Tsunade-sama…I am…" she nodded

_'Because deep down I know…it was worth it'_

* * *

_'It was worthit' _she repeated the mantra in her mind. Surely she was aware of the consequences, but given her circumstances the day she was deprived of innocence...time did not allow her a sufficient amount to consider the _severity _of the action.

But every so often doubts would creep within the chambers of her thoughts. Would she be able to pull through? Was she strong enough? Was she able enought? Was it really _worth it?_

Was it worth the scornful eyes that would soon greet her?

Was it worth leaving behind the life she knew?

Was it worth the gossips that would soon shroud her identity in the village?

Was it worth the degrading isolation that would soon engulf her?

Was it worth stepping aside from the battle field?

Was it worth forsaking the life of a Shinobi?

_Was it worth losing his love forever?_

Indeed, this was what she feared the most. The talk she had with the Godaime had left her somewhat in ease...but now came the part she dreaded with anticipation...how would she be able to confront the rest of Team 7?

No doubt they knew that she was expecting life to blossom from her...

but..

_'What would I say about the father?'_

True to the word of the Shinobi, Sakura had not lied that day she told Tsunade that she was not acquainted with the man that was soon to hold the title "father" to her child...for she herself pondered upon this mystery...she had successfully diverted Tsunade's attention from this matter by stating the truth as it was...and the Godaime trusted her evaluation, but was however still curious upon this mystery assuring her that she would somehow find a clue that would connect the pieces together...

Sakura hoped that day would not come by unwanted means...

if anything.._she _would be the one who'd reveal the truth...and nothing but...

but now was not the time...not yet...

Her comrades on the other hand where of a different matter. Although they are not quick to admitt it (with the exeption of Naruto) they were extremely protective of their cherry-blossom. Kakshi and Naruto would come to her defense (much to her annoyance) in the slightest emergency during battle. Even Sai, with his menacing words would sometimes come to her rescue when she is preyed upon by unwanted guests...she later, would learn ofcourse that Sai merely diverted the stranger's attention by mentioning Sakura's "unstable mental retardation..." She would scowl at his _care_ but, no matter how obscene they looked...it always did the trick of protecting her.

And Sasuke?

well...that was a story placed upon a much foreign platform...He would protect her...for his survival..no more no less...

She wondered how they took the news...how they'd react nine months from now...she wondered whether or not they'd still accept her...love her...be with her...

She wondered if this would only set her more apart from _his _heart...

would he even care?

would he scowl in disgust?

gaze in pity?

look away in her _unworthyness_?

She sighed...

If anything in life was forbidden...

it must have been her love for Sasuke...

Slowly rising from the bed that sheltered her she strode outside her apartment and headed towards Team kakashi's bridge, four familiar figures stood poised in her view...three with an unreadable look in their eyes...one turned away...

_'might as well get this over with...'_she sighed as she continued forth

* * *

**Due to persistant requests, I've decided to stick with it and just continue writing. Thanks to the numerous emails! (though id appreciate more reviews as well) and much thanks to the encouragement of marsgodess (claps hands)**

**ooohhhhhh who's the dadddy?**

**whos the daddy?**

**iono..**

**stay tuned to find out.**

**lots of love,**

**Ayu.**


	8. Bonds

**Ok, before we continue on with Chapter 7, here is a quick author's note.**

_**Someone asked me where I got the inspiration for theTITLE for this fan fiction. So here is my answer. **_

_**This is one of my all-time favorite songs by Skylark, and as I listened to the words that it portrayed…I could just easily relate it to the hardships and tribulations that Sakura (in this fic) faces…**_

_**So here's a quick break from the story…**_

**P.S THIS IS NOT A SONG FIC!**

**Wildflower**

**By: Skylark**

She's faced the hardest times you could imagine,

And many times her eyes fought back the tears.

And when her youthful world was about to fall in

Each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of all her fears, and her sorrow no one hears, still rings in the midnight silence in her ears…

Let her cry, for she's a Lady

Let her dream, for she's a Child

Let the rain fall down upon her

She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild.

And if by chance, I should hold her for a time;

But if allowed just one possession,

I would pick her from the garden, to be mine.

Be careful how you touch her, for she will awaken;

And sleep's the only freedom that she knows.

And when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe;

The way she's always paying for a debt she never owed,

And the silent wind still blows, that only she can here

And so, she goes.

Let her cry, for she's a Lady

Let her dream, for she's a child

Let the rain fall down upon her

She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild

**Disclaimer: I don't own this song and this story is NOT A SONGFIC (just for clarification purposes) **

_**Well anyway that's the end of my quick author's note. **_

_**Again, thanks for the numerous emails (though reviews are greatly appreciated as well)**_

**_Now on with the next installation of To Cry: Tears of a wildflower._**

_**Lots of love,**_

_**Ayu.**_

_**

* * *

****Chapter 7:** _

**Bonds **

"Orochimaru-sama…" 

"Aaah... Kabuto…What news of the village?"

"All is to be expected, Orochimaru-sama…no one had survived…"

"I am pleased…and has the mission gone accordingly?"

"Hai—the mission was…successful…"

"Are they aware of what has occurred?" Orochimaru eagerly questioned.

"I'm sure that they have noticed the changes, but any history pertaining to it is should be beyond their knowledge…"

"Good. That's very good…" replied Orochimaru menacingly into the night.

_

* * *

_

There she was.

Found underneath the falling petals of the Sakura trees… a figure of beauty that illuminated beyond the horizons of humanity—Sakura—the cherry blossom that held the misery of life within the ironies of her troubled youth. Sakura, a young girl of only 17…soon to be mother to an unknown man…

He pondered upon these thoughts as he watched the young kunoichi from a distance. The distance they covered became a burden upon his heart as he heaved in a heavy sigh of sadness within him. How is it that this has befallen the fare kunoichi? What has she done to deserve such a predicament? And yet, even as the cruelties of circumstance curse her existence, there she was…silent…still…

…Wearing a face of contentment that he had not seen since the day her life was stripped from her with the deaths of the ones she loved. How could she be so accepting of this new occurrence? He did not understand…did not understand why fate would allow her to be tainted in this way…and yet…even after all the protests heard from team seven, even after the Godaime's offer to extract the new life within her…even after the fears expressed by her comrade Naruto, the curses bestowed by Sai, and the persuasions by Kakashi… even after explaining the debates that would be set against her from now on—from the villager's mocking gossips, to the looming pain within her heart—even after all those were said to her….

She merely nodded lightly and willingly accepted her fate.

She accepted all of it…

Even as the scarlet letter was bestowed upon her soul…

She accepted it…without question or guilt…she had accepted it… her fate…

And that of her child…

But why?

How she was capable of calmly handling all these emotions within her…the death of her parents, her sister…that night…the boy…the woman she tried to revive…and now this…

How she was capable to let these situations cascade down her spirit so freely…he would never understand…

And yet, her words that day on the bridge would still tug at the back of his head…

"_Sakura-chan, you can't seriously be thinking about keeping this child can you…? We don't even know…**you** don't even know who the father is…Tsunade-sama has already offered to use a technique that can…you know…take it away…" reasoned the blonde-haired kyuubi._

"_Dickless here is right…you could always get rid of it, ugly…" Sai interjected_

"_See even the brain less shit mouth agrees…"_

"_What did you call me you dickless wonder?" snarled Sai_

"_Ya heard me b r a iiinlesss shiittt—" _

"_Settle down, both of you…" Kakashi tried…but to no avail since the two-heated shinobi were an arm's reach away from brutally murdering each other. Sasuke only stared from a distance…a far distant look of unimportance written on his face._

"_Enough both of you!" demanded Sakura who up until now remained silent…causing the members of team seven to stand in silence. She kept still and distant from the group to keep herself from unleashing torrents of pain towards the two knuckle-headed morons before her. "I…I. appreciate the concern…and trust me when I say that I know where you are all heading with this…but" she paused biting down her bottom lip "This is my decision to make… and I have chosen to accept this…all I ask is for you to listen, not to my reasoning…but to my words…that is all…It is true, that in accepting this... fate… I will no longer be able to live a normal life of a Shinobi…at least for a few years… I will no longer be able to join you in missions… however… come what may, I will still be here for all of you…no matter what I accept all of you in my heart for who you are…so whether or not you shall accept me as one of your own is your decision to make…" Sakura sighed, "I ask for no special treatments… I ask for no approval… all I ask is for you to listen…that is all…the rest is up to you…" With that said she merely turned her gaze away from the group as they contemplated upon her words._

"_Gomenasai…Sakura-chan…we were just…well ya know…worried about you…I mean, it's not like stuff like this happens everyday…It's not like, we… knew that you went through…I mean…you know…how it happened…even though you won't tell us **how or when **it happened…and well…." Naruto babbled on "and well…we just wanted to make sure that you'll be ok…and that… well… That you really are prepared for this…" Naruto stammered as he fumbled nervously with his fingers._

"_Arigato Naruto…I am prepared for this…" Sakura stated with a light smile upon her face. A smile that they had been deprived of seeing for such a long while… a smile that they had all missed one way or another… a smile that proved as the testament of her love…of her strength… of her **will** "And… Gomenasai… I cannot…tell you how this happened…" She sighed a long slow breath of air "and… that I have to temporarily leave team seven…"_

"_Ne…Sakura-chan…you know you'll always be part of Team seven, even if it means you won't be able to go on missions with us…right Kakashi-sensei?" _

"_Mmmhhhmmm" nodded Kakashi "Sakura, there is no need for you to fret about whether or not this team will accept you… your fate is ours as well…besides…weren't you the one who said that we are one?" Kakashi smiled. True to his word he would do anything and **everything **in his power to protect the ones he loved specially their beloved cherry blossom._

"_If you worry too much ugly, that forehead of yours will only expand even more…besides I'm sure dickless wonder over here wouldn't mind becoming an uncle…and plus if the kid doesn't turn out to be as ugly as you… I could always recruit him as an apprentice for my art" Sai added in reply_

_Sakura could only smile at the love that her team held for her. They had their flaws, their arguments, their disagreements and their fights…but when it came to down to it…they would protect each other till the end._

"_Oi! Sasuke-teme…don't you have anything to say?" Naruto shouted at a distant Sasuke. His face buried beneath the folds of his hair… his posture lacked it's usual ignorant stance as though he was contemplating upon the mysteries of the world before him. He turned around to meet her gaze…his eyes illuminated an unreadable expression._

"_Hn" he scoffed as he turned his back "She only gets in the way during battle anyway…" with that and puff of smoke he was gone._

"_I… guess that's an 'it's ok with me…'" Naruto stated_

_Sakura only sighed…indeed…she'd lost his love…forever…_

"_Sakura, are you **sure** that you don't know who the father is?"_

"Hai, Kakashi-sensei…I don't…gomenasai… I really don't" Indeed she spoke of the truth for as Kakashi peered into the depths of her emerald eyes he could see no deception…

_Only truth..._

_Oh how he hated knowing that they illuminated the **truth**_

"_I see." replied Kakashi as he made a mental note to himself that if he ever came across the man that did this to her he would pummel the living daylights out of him until he was completely obliterated from reality. Naruto and Sai thought of the same idea…and far hidden away within the branches…. Sasuke conveyed the same feeling._

_

* * *

_

Her words then still hung close to his memory…even now as he watched her sit idly in silence underneath the cascading brilliance of cherry blossoms… Oh, how he craved to be with her then…to sit with her underneath that picturesque beauty…but he had sworn to be forever severed from her love…her warmth…

'You are a distraction…' 

And yet the pang in his heart beats in rhythm with his denial.

'You will make me weak.'

He closed his eyes… tears slowly threatening to breach the surface…

'I will not loose to you…brother…' 

Remnants of Itachi's words sing within his broken past.._ 'Hate. Detest…only then can you beat me…'_

He turned to leave.

Her voice still vivid in his mind… _'This is my decision to make… and I have chosen to accept this…'_

**So then now was the time…**

"_Sakura… you have accepted your fate… now, I must accept mine…" _He sighed…

"Itachi…I will not loose…"

With that he left the kunoichi, as she was, content underneath the fall of the cherry blossoms.

He would carry these memories of her wherever he went…he would carry these memories in his heart as a reminder of how he can never have her…it reminded him of her determination… of her acceptance of her fate… and of his….

* * *

From the day Sakura had left the hospital wards her life could not have been more eventful—to say the least. Immediately after her final examination the Godaime issued a temporary prohibition of her duties on missions with team seven to provide a few years of normalcy for her and the child. Her duties as a medic-nin and her tutelage under the Godaime however were only placed under a temporary hold until the birth of her child, after which she is allowed to carry on with her normal routine at the hospital. The Godaime had also prepared new lodgings for Sakura's new family. Since her family's death, Sakura had moved into a one-bedroom apartment that had inadequate space to house two. Tsunade had instructed for a small Japanese house to be built, and at her requested location—on the outskirts of the village perimeter. Sakura would be close enough by the village gates but far enough for needed tranquility… Indeed the Sennin wanted to make sure that the child's coming be as discreet as possible. She had decided a while back that in Sakura's best interest and more importantly—her safety—was to keep the information (or lack of it) of the child's origins away from the villager's ears. However she doubted that the secret would be kept safe forever. Sooner or later as Sakura would recover and work once again under her wing…people will start to ask about who the child's father is. Knowing full well the comings and goings of Konoha's busy streets she was aware that in this village scandals and gossip sway with the wind…indeed, no matter how depressing it makes things seem—human nature will _always_ prevail… and even her position as Hokage held no power over it. To delay the inevitable exposure was all that Tsunade could provide for the young pink-haired "mother." At least this with this "delay" she hoped to buy some time to further investigate the child's original father to save guard whatever dignity Sakura would have left. 

Tsunade could very well have the man beheaded for abandoning the girl she held as her daughter, but with his whereabouts and identity unknown all she could do was strangle the faceless man within the confines of her thoughts. She had sworn to find the perpetrator and that was _her _promise of **a lifetime.** However there were, unknown "dangers" surrounding her apprentice. As an ever exuberant Naruto clearly pointed out

"_That Baka that did this to Sakura-chan could very well be some psychopathic pedophiliac who is still roaming the streets out for his next innocent prey!"_

"_Naruto—calm down..I'm sure that…"_

"_AND WHOSE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF SAKURA CHAN WHEN TEAM SEVEN IS OFF DOING MISSIONS? She's living for two now for cryin' out loud!" the blonde kyuubi slammed hysterically on her desk._

"_NARUTO! Let **me **handle the situation. I've already thought of something that might aid Sakura's welfare for the time being while you and team seven are away during missions….now g-e-t-o-u-t or I'll THROW YOU OUT!"_

Excluding his colorful display of vocabulary the kyuubi had presented a good and relevant case. With the father's whereabouts and of **how** the situation occurred—whether willingly, provoked… or dare she even think it? **_Forced_**—the man in question would for now be labeled a threat and a danger to Sakura and possibly to the villagers as well. Also, given her apprentice's current disposition and of the village's need for missions… Tsunade couldn't very well leave her student to fend for herself while she and team seven were preoccupied with village matters. They loved Sakura, no doubt… but the responsibilities of their lives prevent them from staying by her side 24/7, so to speak…Indeed something had to be done. So with Sakura's reluctant consent, Tsunade released a mandatory meeting for all trustworthy and viable Shinobi in Konoha.

* * *

Sakura stood still as a tree near the door to the conference room. Her body hunched down in exhaustion, it had already been a week since she was released by her Sensei from the hospital, but the after effects of the various treatments performed on her still left her body in a weakened state. She was told by Naruto and Kakashi to stay home and rest until she recovers her strength, but being the persistent and stubborn kunoichi that she was she decided against it and thought it better if she were here at the conference… she was indeed curious of how the meeting would turn out. 

"Aaay…Tsunade-sama…I don't really see the purpose to all this…. It's not like I can't take care of myself…" she murmured to no one in particular. "Besides…I really don't mind handling this on my own…" she sighed.

'_Then again, Tsunade-sama and the rest have been so helpful to me…I can't really complain about that can I?'_

"But isn't this taking it a _little _bit too much" she whispered

She delicately placed a hand to her abdomen and sighed a deep needed sigh of relief. It had already been more than a month since "it" happened and she was surprised that she had lasted this long and was even more surprised that she survived the "ordeal" at all.

Because of her body's small frame there still was no visible swelling to indicate her pregnancy, so to the rest of the world she was still Haruno, Sakura the simple 17-year-old medic apprentice of the Godaime. Only Tsunade and team seven knew of her real condition.

But today will change all that, and she wondered whether or not the others would be as "accepting" as Tsunade, Kakashi, Naruto and Sai have been. As for a certain dark-haired Uchiha…well he was a story all of his own. Ever since the revelation the boy could not have been more distant from her and from team seven in general. Perhaps he _really was_ disgusted of her…she sighed and wondered whether the others would feel similar sentiments about the situation.

"_No matter what…no matter what they.. or anyone else thinks… no matter how they view me after today… I **know** in my heart that doing this was **worth it… this is my fate…and I accept it.**"_

She smiled.

From a distance you could never have guessed that such a fate had befallen the adolescent. Her usual fiery red attire had been replaced by a simple white floral kimono, her hair that had now grown to her waist cascaded gently over her form… a look of serenity written on her face. However, although her appearance illuminated the essence of beauty and innocence her eyes spoke of a different story. Deep within those jade orbs was the mark of a hidden secret buried within her heart.

'_Someday, I promise… I will find' _she inwardly thought keeping her hand placed upon her stomach _'whoever your father is'_ she sighed leaning against the wall, her thoughts disturbed by a sudden vociferous outcry for her attention.

"Yo! Forehead girl!"

Sakura's head darted towards the sound of the familiar voice "Ohayo Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji" she said plainly, bowing her head as she did.

"Geez Sakura, there is not need to be all formal with us…we're all friends after all." Ino replied smiling at the girl she secretly still considered her best friend. Throughout the years the rivalry between the two had regressed back into the camaraderie they shared in their youth. Ino had silently already given up on the Uchiha genius after accepting Sakura's apparent love for him…her feelings were after all nothing if not a mere crush whereas Sakura really _did _care for Sasuke deeply. When Sasuke had left and was labeled a "traitor" she had found herself closely agreeing to the "facts" stated by the villagers' hearsay whereas Sakura had always defended the avenger's faltered dignity…despite the cold treatment she received from him in return.

Sakura truly did love him…

And silently Ino admitted that she had won.

But now the girl she once knew was no longer existing in this village—Sakura was gone…gone in a different sense…gone was the girl of smiles and laughter…replaced by this "thing" that could not be deciphered by the human norm…The girl in front of her merely stared at the wall pondering upon the mysteries of the world as Ino tried to acquire her attention. By this time Sakura was lost in her own trance of thoughts that she barely noticed the blonde beauty before her.

"Earth to forehead girl! Anyone there?" Ino said, frantically shaking her hands in front of Sakura's face.

Shikamaru sighed and shook his head at this "troublesome" sight. "Ino, I don't really think that she's paying attention to your antics"

"Duh… don't you think I'm aware of that you lazy bum?"

"Well, if you were then why are you even—"

"There is absolutely no harm in trying…Honestly Shikamaru how can you ever hope of landing a girl if you can't even understand our kind…sheessh and here I thought you were a genius…." Ino replied nonchalantly tossing her ponytail behind her.

"Women…" Shikamaru huffed "how troublesome" his face showing a slight hue of pink. He somehow silently wished that women were as readable as Shogi; maybe then he'd actually be able to _do_ something about the "troublesome" blonde in front of him.

"I'm hungry" Chouji interjected out of the blue "when is this thing going to start? I want something to eat already…"

"Shut up! You're always hungry" Shikamaru and Ino replied in unison.

"You guys…don't have to be so… mean about it…" Whispered the crestfallen Chouji, as he huddled near the corner wall tears falling down his face. Ino and Shikamaru only sweat dropped at the sight.

"_Aaanyway_…" Shikamaru began "It really does make me wonder why Hokage-sama—"

"Oi! Shikamaru! Chouji! Ino! How's it going?"

Three heads turned to be greeted by three more familiar faces of Konoha's finest.

"Hey there Kiba, Shino, Hinata" Shikamaru replied, "So I guess you guys were called too huh?"

"Hai—the message was sent this morning"

"I wonder who else is going to be here?" questioned Ino

"Well…uhh…Neji-niisan and his group also got a notice this morning… so they should be here soon"

"I see…everyone's here eh?"

"I still don't know what this whole thing is about," wondered Kiba

"Well whatever it is, I'm sure that it is something important… otherwise the Hokage would never have had us all gathered in one meeting" Shino stated.

"Ohayo! Sakura-san!" Kiba smiled, his attention now focused upon the cherry blossom plastered against the wall.

"Ohayo Kiba-san" she greeted in reply, looking at everyone gathered in front her. In that moment, she did wonder…her heart remained nervous for what their reaction to Tsunade's announcement would be.

'_No matter what... I will carry this through."_

"Sakura" Shino Began "You are the Godaime's apprentice after all, do you know what this meeting is about?"

"…" Sakura bowed her head and shifted her gaze upon the cold hard floor.

"Sakura?"

"Hai! But I think it would be best if everyone heard the news from Tsunade-sama… besides if I tell you know…Just imagine the trouble I'd be in" She whispered.

"_No matter what…this is worth it… no matter what they think of me… even if I loose them as my friends…doing this… is my duty… my promise…"_

Truly in the years following Sasuke's betrayal and Naruto's training with Jiraiya Sakura had formed special bonds with these Shinobi. With her friends gone for so long and with Kakashi always off on missions all the time…. All she had back then was her training under the Godaime. Still… on some days that alone was not enough for her to keep the memories from trapping her in misery. So as time progressed, so did her friendships with the rest of Konoha's Shinobi rookies.

Shopping spree's with Ino and Ten-ten…

Quiet afternoon conversations drinking tea with Neji

Gazing at the stars with Hinata

Morning Shogi matches with Shikamaru

Mid afternoon walks in the forest with Shino

Chouji's frequent ER visits (due to food poisoning…or over eating…sometimes both)

Weekend sparring matches with Lee

And movie night with Kiba (she never knew the boy had a soft heart for sentimental flicks)

She was thankful for their presence in her life…they were all she had to stabilize her sanity while fighting off the tribulation. But now came the true test of their friendship… come what may from this meeting…

_I will not turn back…_

The silence within the group was broken by a familiar uproar from Konoha's number one knuckle-headed Shinobi!

"OOOII! Sakura-chaaaaaaaaan!" Naruto shouted as he opened the door the conference room. "Eh? Nani?" he questioned seeing the peeved expressions written across the faces of his friends.

"BAKA! Do you have to be so loud this early in the morning!"

"What are you complaining about Ino? Yer far worse than I am when it comes to noise" he huffed

"Why you—"

"How troublesome…. Oi! Naruto! Ino! You stop making such a racket!"

"Ohayo…N-n-naruto-kun"

"Ohayo Hinata!"

"Naruto… was there something you needed from me?" Sakura interjected.

"Oh? OH yea! Tsunade-obachaan said that: **'the-meeting-is-about-to-begin-and-that-you all-should-stop-lollygagging-and-get-yer-asses-in-the-conference-room-before-she-pummels-all-of-you-into-fine-dust**' "

>>(Sweat drops all around)>>

"Hang on… I thought that Neji and his team will be here too?" questioned Shino

"Uhh…what are you guys talking about? They're already here…inside…"

"WHAT!"

'_There's no turning back now, Sakura… just bite the bullet and move on…'_

"Well then… I suppose we shouldn't let Tsunade-sama waiting then" Sakura cheerfully proclaimed smiling a brilliant smile that threw everyone aback.

'_This was worthit'_

* * *

**It's been a while… I know…sorry guys…too much crap going on these days.**

**I will try to update soon.**

**Thanks for the emails/hits/and reviews**

**Sincerely,**

**Ayu.**


	9. Hidden Intentions and Konoha's Spring

**_please read and review!_**

**and I apologize in advance for any OOC that this story may contain...Gomenasai!**

**with much love,**

**Ayu.**

* * *

**Chapter 8.**

**Hidden Intentions and Konoha's Spring**

Needless to say, Sakura's life had altered greatly after the revelation to the rest of the Shinobi rookies that she considered her closest comrades. Though almost all had expressed their protests for her decision and had stormed an uproar upon who the father in question is… no one backed away from her friendship. And she in turn had been eternally grateful for their loyalty…

"_**Sakura's whhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt!"**_

"_Settle down all of you!"_

"_But Tsunade-sama—"_

"_I SAID SETTLE DOWN! Because of this new occurrence in Sakura's life…She will be living beyond the village gates. As fellow Shinobi of this village…no… as her **friends**… I ask of you… to see to it that her well-being is safeguarded until and even after the birth of her child. Because the identity of the father has yet to be established…and the situation that caused this has yet been deciphered… the man in question shall here on out be labeled a threat to Sakura and to the villagers. Not until he is found, the bounty on his head shall remain…" Tsunade paused. _

"_I have already informed the other Jounin and Chuunin of this…however, they do not know Sakura as well as all of you present here…so I ask this not as a mission… but as a favor…"_

_Silence. _

"_Now, if there is anyone here that should object or have any disagreements…I heed you to leave now."_

_Silence remained in the room as all eyes settled on Sakura, who had just kept her gaze at the window before her. _

"_Gomenasai… I wish not to be a burden to any of you…so… I will understand if…" Sakura whispered_

_Surely, if she turned around…she would see backs turned against hers…leaving her in disgust…_

_But that was never the case…_

_The minutes wore on…_

_And still no one had left…_

_Sakura could only smile at her friends' loyalty…_

_Perhaps… _

_Enduring this would not be so…horrible after all…_

_And their actions proved to be a testament ofher worth…and that of her child…_

"_Sakura-san as the spring time of youth blossoms I swear that the green beast of Konoha will guard you from all harm!" Lee proclaimed doing his infamous "good-guy pose" _

"_That's right Lee!" Gai had replied in the same manner_

"_Yea, lighten up Sakura-san… you could at least give us a little bit of credit here…" stated Kiba as he inched away from Konoha's green beasts… somewhat disturbed…by their… "Display"_

"_Damn straight forehead girl!"_

"_You always were troublesome, Haruno… but… heh… I wouldn't want to have it any other way."_

"_YOSH! This is great huh Sakura-chan!"_

"_It would seem that the little one on the way already has a family right here… Sakura…" Neji, who until this point had remained silent responded._

_The rest nodded in agreement._

"_Good." Tsunade smiled… "Now, I expect that you all keep your guard up for any suspicious persons lurking in the village…as I will continue my research on the child's origins from this end…Understood?"_

"_Hai!"_

"_Sakura, you are not alone in this…" Iruka lovingly patting her shoulder the way he always did when they were genin. _

"_Arigato Iruka-sensei" she smiled back at her former teacher and at the rest of her companions. _

"_Arigato" _

_Though all of them inwardly wondered…who would abandon Sakura with such a responsibility… No one dared to cross the border and ask…perhaps it was out of reverence and respect for the Kunoichi… or perhaps it was out of fear of recapping some unwanted memories…_

_But some day… they all would surely know…_

* * *

True to their word, the shinobi present on that day had always been at her side whenever she needed them. Tsunade had assigned a rotation schedule for each shinobi to stay with Sakura for a week each so as to not interrupt with their missions. As the months passed by it was imperative that Sakura was kept within close proximity of their care due to her condition.

And as the tides of time progressed her life seemed to regress back to her former identity. Slowly but surely Sakura was being reborn once more.

Every one of Konoha's finest Shinobi had contributed all they could to support the pink-haired maiden. Ino would come by and bring her fresh new flowers, Ten-ten and Lee kept her company on weekends, Kiba would come by with movie rentals, Hinata and Shino would help Sakura plant new vegetation in her garden, Chouji and Naruto shopped for groceries which Chouji would gladly cook for her… whereas Naruto would only stock pile her cupboards with Ramen packs. Shikamaru still came by with his Shogi to play with her every morning, and Neji would still stop by and have his afternoon tea with Konoha's Cherry Blossom.

Even Sai and his uncontrollable mouth would drop by and "lend a hand" once in a while… that or he'd just compliment on how fat she was getting.

Kakashi on the other hand was well… far from what she had expected… every waking hour of every day she could expect the jounin to drop by at her doorstep just to check up on her.

"_Aaaay Kakashi-sensei… I appreciate the concern but you were just here an hour ago…" Sakura would sigh, as she would let the silver haired man wander into her home._

"_I know… but a lot can happen in an hour…" he would respond creasing his visible eye into a smile…to which Sakura would sigh and kindly oblige the older man to enter._

"_Come on in then… as long as you keep those perverted books away from this house… if I ever were to give birth here and now I wouldn't want my child to be tainted by such a disgusting excuse for literature… honestly, I do not know what you find so interesting in those…those… pornographic novels conjured up by that ero-sennin…and to think the man is already on the brink of being cryptic and still thinks of such…perverted fantasies… no wonder he's still single…sigh"_

"_If Jiraiya were to hear you say that I'm sure his frail old heart would just falter and cease to exist…" Kakashi chuckled "And for your information they are not pornographic novels but merely a collection of very detailed romantic epics…"_

"_Suuure they are… whatever helps you sleep better at—"_

_Kakashi raised an eyebrow_

"_Never mind…"_

Much to the amusement of the older Shinobi, he found that Sakura was indeed becoming more and more… well, like _Sakura_ each day that passed. Though it still irked him to the highest degree that she would still refer to him as "Sensei" a.) Being that it made him seem old_er_ and b.) It far than established the division between them… but he let things be as they are… and being called her "Sensei" did just the trick in restraining his emotions... for it always reminded him of his proper place in her life. In his heart, however, he knew that he would always have an open spot for her to keep forever… however in all things said and done in the Shinobi law… this…was forbidden. Sakura already had enough on her plate as it was…and he knew very well that her heart was still captivated by one ignorant shinobi known as the"avenger" ofKonoha... if he weren't the calm, cool and collected man that he was hewould have long agopummeledSasuke into a pile of dust for being so..._Sasuke_ around Sakura... but alas, such things were beyond his norm and creed and so he let things take their natural route in life.

In addition to that,if his adoration for her should be exposed to the ears of those around them… then her life would be in more shame and shambles…so he promised…that his love for her should and would not extend beyond what was there in existence…

But he would still stand by her side…

And protect her the best way he knew how…

And he would see to it… that if someday… _someone_ would come along and steal her heart away…

That it would be someone… who would be** greater** than _**him…**_

Silently he vowed this sacrifice…

Silently he let go…

Silently he let the tears cascade down the contours of his face as he watched the young maiden in her slumber far in the distance of night.

Silently…

He prayed that one day someone would find worth in her… more than what he had already discovered many years ago…

Silently he did all this with a smile…

* * *

Even with all the help that was given to her… deep down Sakura wished for the attention of one dark-haired genius that had kept his distance far from her reach.

She would often see the Uchiha walking towards her house together with team seven when they would visit, however when they would be close to her doorstep he would suddenly make an excuse to leave. Whether it was to "train" or that he had an errand to run or that he was going off on another solo mission… he'd use every possible means to avoid any contact with Sakura.

He would sever his affections for her…

'_I cannot afford to be weak because of you… and your love' _he would reason to himself as he extracted himself from her life and distanced himself farther from team seven… taking on every possible mission available… using every waking hour in between to train… anything and everything to erase Sakura from his heart…

'_Itachi I will not loose!'_

And so that was how everything functioned around the kunoichi. And true to the prediction of the Godaime, rumors slowly formed around Sakura and her disposition. When the kunoichi would stroll down the streets of Konoha with the bulk that she was already carrying, she'd often encounter glares and whispers and questions as to who the father was…when and where the wedding was held…such and such… questions that she had no possible answer to…

And so the gossips formed…

Gossips about how she was a shame to the Godaime's name, being that she was her apprentice and all.

Gossips about how she was too weak to fend off a predator, being that she was a Shinobi…

Gossips about how she was morally and ethically scarred… being that she was one of the respected medic-nin in the village next to the Hokage…

But even so… Naruto, Kakashi and the rest would always be at her guard whenever anyone talked ill towards her. However, since they were restricted from releasing any information all they could do was retaliate with an equal amount of verbal abuse… or… of force in Naruto, Sai and surprisingly Neji's case.

* * *

"My, my my...time flies by so fast..." Sakura whispered as she placed a loving hand over her already swollen abdomen. "I wonder what it will be…" she smiled

"Hasn't Tsunade-sama informed you yet?"

"Well, she offered to… I mean, she already performed the tests… but… I want to find out the natural way…"

"Aah" he would never completely understand women and their sentiments to such things… this bit of information was unfortunately never integrated into his genius… perhaps it never will. "Have you thought of names for the child yet?"

"Hmmm… no… I suppose it's like my mother always said… the name comes naturally during birth... that was what happened when I was born she told me"

"hmm" again he remained clueless._'Sakura...hmm.. perhaps it was because of the color ofyour hair...'_he inwardly chuckled at her naivety

"Has the Godaime made any developments about the father?"

Sakura remained silent for a while, she knew more than any one else that he was the most prone to prod into the mystery.

"No…" she sighed "But… I really don't want to think of such things right now…" she smiled lightly "All I want right now is for my child to enter the world in safety…"

As though he were reading her mind he replied "Some day, the truth of what happened will be revealed Sakura… and not even you will hold the ability to hide it any longer…" he paused as he observed Sakura's still form… "what are you hiding? Sakura-san?"

Silence was exchanged between the two Shinobi as the wind whirled past them in ease.

"A truth that should only revealed by my words when my heart is ready…" she sighed

Silence.

"It really is such a beautiful day don't you agree?" Sakura stated as she began to pour the afternoon tea. The sunlight could be seen dancing in between the gaps in the trees and the sky was a luminous blue as ever. Today was the first of spring and the flowers were at their best blossoms…Yes, indeed… today was… in a word… beautiful.

"Mhhm" nodded her companion. To which she smiled as she continued to pour his tea. He had just returned from another strenuous mission and methodically went directly to the young Cherry Blossoms house for the usual treatments and tea. Replacing his jounin outfit with a simple black yukata, the byakugan genius sat in contentment watching the wind gently glide through the tree's leaves leaving them in delicate disarray. Hyuuga Neji was never one for much chitchat when in came to sentimental conversation. He did enjoy the occasional debates and such that he considered as an important stimulus to the mind. Today however, there were no friendly debates between him and his constant 'sparring' partner… today there was just the peaceful aura that engulfed the scenery in which they were currently present.

And he had to admit… as he looked over to where the budding blossom, Sakura painted images in the sky with her hand.

Today truly was… beautiful…

x

x

x

x

x

after moments of tranquility Sakura let out a sharp gasp of pain that snapped the Hyuuga out of his reverie

"N-n-neji…" she sputtered as she unconsciously fell into his arms.

"SAKURA-SAN!"

* * *

**yay one more chapter down! **

**i wonder who sakura's gonna end up with lol**

**who knows**

**i dont **

**do you?**

**and whattabout the kid?**

**till then**

**with lots of love,**

**ayu--**


	10. New life and a Fond farewell

**beep beep!eeeeeeeerhgggggggggggggggggggghsugeiagegCRRRRRRRRASSHH! (that's me driving) >evil laugh>>**

**Yosh! **

**here's another installation of my story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own naruto... however I do own the concept behind Tears of a Wildflower **

**anyway enough of my blubbering.**

**enjoy!**

**sincerey yours,  
ayu.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9**

**New life and a fond Farewell**

He rushed into the hell of the night, intent on only one goal. And for once in his Shinobi career the blonde kyuubi could not have been more…_on task_. Indeed, this was a mission of life and death and he will see to it that the Hokage was well informed of the recent developments. Needless to say, he did not expect such an uneventful evening to be so filled with this much drama. He could vaguely remember the agenda list he had written in his mind from this morning… how he methodically went through each task mentally crossing each one that had already been accomplished.

Get breakfast: Ramen time! **(DONE)**

Meet up with Iruka-sensei **(DONE)**

Train with Ero-sennin **(DONE)**

Coax Iruka-sensei into buying him lunch RAMEN TIME! **(DONE)**

Go see Tsunade-obachaan for any new missions, that or just bother her **(DONE)**

Train some more **(DONE)**

Go see Konohamaru and gang **(DONE)**

Have a mid afternoon snack RAMEN TIME!… 20 bowls should be enough…_Oh Iruka-seeenseiiii!_ **(DONE)**

Walk it off in the forest **(DONE)**

This entire list he had accomplished with much satisfaction… however, he never expected to leave out the one important and unexpected number 10 on his list.

Sakura-chan gives birth. **(_Currently in progress…_)**

Indeed, the easygoing and ever so exuberant Naruto was now a nervous wreck. Having had his fill with his ramen, he decided to drop by and see how everything was with Sakura. Never did he expect to find the sight in which he had walked into.

_Sakura was cradled within the arms of one Hyuuga, Neji… who was trying his best to provide whatever "comfort" he could to the young cherry blossom._

"_Neji! What's going on! WHAT DID YOU DO?"_

"_BAKA! Look closely! What does it look like! —She's about to give BIRTH!" he raised his voice at the ever so dense kyuubi "I would carry her to Hokage-sama, but her condition had rendered her immobile…"_

"_Eh?"_

_He sighed at such simplicity, but somehow managed to keep his calm "Naruto, I can't very well move an in-labor woman… I have offered her some medicine to numb the pain, but I must admit… I am clueless as to how to approach this…matter…"_

_Sakura in her "sleep" let out a painstaking cry that made both men cringe in agony._

"_Sakura-chan!" Naruto leaped forward and encircled her in his arms. Her body was caving in pain; sweat trickling down every inch of her frame… he didn't want to see her this way… 'Damnit, why does this have to be so hard? Why can't babies come from storks instead!' he indirectly cursed Mother Nature's "incompetence"_

"_Naruto, you must hurry and inform Tsunade-sama of this at once! I'll stand guard of Sakura-san till then"_

"_H-h-ai! I will be right back! I swear! TAKE CARE OF HER UNTIL I RETURN! OR ELSE!" with those final words the kyuubi was gone into the distance._

Gathering all the chakra he could muster into his feet, Naruto increased in speed until he reached the Hokage tower. There outside the building's opening stood the ever so infamous perverted hermit.

"Oi! Naruto! What say we go get something to eat?" he waved at oncoming frantic Naruto.

"Aaaah ERO SENNIN! I can't right now… Sakura-chan--- sakura-chan-- she's… GAH! I gotta go find Tsunade-obaachan!" he shouted as he whizzed past the old fool.

"Eh? Sakura?" Jiraiya wondered as he scratched his chin. "Could it be--?" the epiphany left him dumbstruck for a moment before he followed Naruto's lead towards Tsunade's office.

Naruto finally reached her door. This was it. Sakura would be saved! He slowly opened the Hokage's chambers and found her sleeping head buried underneath stacks of unsigned scrolls and mission papers. His eyes twitched at the sight of the old woman in front of him. The woman who had dismissed him (rather forcefully) earlier due to her quote unquote "extremely hectic, and eventful schedule."

He heaved a great gasp of air.

Jiraiya, now standing behind the blonde adolescent warned, "I wouldn't do that if I were---"

Too late.

"**TSUUUUUNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAADEEEEEEEOBBAACCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"**

"…You…" Jiraiya finished

The woman in front stood—and stumbled—in surprise. But once she had regained her composure, the devil's malice was written verbatim across her face.

"N-A-R-U-T-O…." she stated, inching closer towards the cowering kyuubi, the intent to kill evident within her eyes.

"I told you it wasn't a good idea" chimed Jiraiya "but _noo_ you never listen do you."

"Nnnnaarruu…tooo"

"eheheh…ano… _Hokage-sama_… please don't be—gah— " his neck suddenly within Tsunade's impenetrable grip.

"P-p-p-plleeaaseee…"

"This had better be important…otherwise---"

"I-I-it..s Sakura…ch..a..an…she's….abo..u…t …tooo" he managed to sputter, still cowering in fear of Tsunade's menacing glare.

"Sakura!" she proclaimed, dropping the boy onto the floor. She no longer needed any other words to convey the meaning in Naruto's words.

"SHIZUNE!" she called

"Hai! Tsunade-sama" Shizune replied as she stepped into the room

"Gather the medical supplies.. Sakura needs our assistance."

"Hai!" Shizune was gone from sight

Tsunade started to gather her medical supplies and hurriedly sped out the door, Naruto and Jiraiya trailing behind.

All she wanted to know right now was.

Will she be able to make it?

* * *

Back in the Haruno household, Neji did all he could to stabilize Sakura's never ceasing pain, but with the rate things are going right now… he wouldn't know how long he'd be able to last just watching her toss and tumble her head in agony. His black yukata was now in disarray due to cradling the kunoichi from earlier, his hair had fallen off of its' clean ponytail. He heaved a sigh as he continued to hold Sakura's hand absorbing the pain in which she applied upon it. Never had he realized in his life that such pain can produce such… _power…_ indeed, his hand no longer hurt… for it lost the ability to feel about an hour into holding onto her. Never the less, he never let go… perhaps it was that he was unable to… or perhaps it frightened him to… 

"_Naruto… where the hell are you?" _he pondered as Sakura produced another gasp of pain squeezing his hand even harder. He didn't cringe at her act but just willingly let the pain absorb through his hand.

He had felt it about an hour since her pain began.

A presence that he was far too familiar with…

Still, he couldn't quite fathom the reason why he was still here watching from afar.

Activating his Byakuugan he had to confirm whether he had moved from his location. Indeed, he was still there, hidden within the branches of the second tree nearest to Sakura's window…he dwelled silently taking note of the situation in front of him. But still, the Hyuuga wondered why he was so interested in Sakura's current state. He had, after all, in more than one occasion, expressed his distaste towards the Cherry blossom.

So why the sudden change of heart…?

His thoughts were cut short when he heard the shuffling of footsteps by Sakura's front door. Slowly prying his hand out of her grasp he stood to greet the figures that were now occupying the front of her house.

The presence of their audience however scurried off from his location and disappeared into the night.

"Uchiha…" he grumbled before deactivating his Byakuugan and approaching Sakura's front door.

* * *

It had been an agonizing four hours and still nothing else could be heard through the house other than the echoes of her screams. He couldn't help it… he hated that noise… Indeed, he would have loved to be tormented and tortured by the deadliest techniques and jutsus, have his eyes gouged out, have his head submerged into an acid-filled barrel…or severed by a dull and rusted blade…he would rather have his fingers cut one by one… or have him commit seppuku… he would willingly allow himself to experience these tribulations than to stand there and listen to her screams of agony. 

The copy ninja stood in the midst of the tension that engulfed the room he was currently occupying… carefully eyeing each member that it housed. Naruto had been pacing back and forth non-stop since the ordeal began. After informing Tsunade of Sakura's state he was ordered to collect the rest of team seven… and he reluctantly obliged to the request even though he would have preferred to stay close to his comrade. He had successfully complied with the order, however was unable to track down a certain raven-haired genius that refused to be found. He no longer had the patience to go look for Sasuke and so returned to Sakura's shelter… Kakashi silently noted that he will indeed pound the avenger into fine dust. But since then Naruto had been restless, unable to sit still or even breathe in a normal pace. He watched as the blonde teen continued to pace in front of the door hoping above all forms of hope for _anything _to emerge from inside.

"Oi! Dickless… stop and sit down you're giving me a damn headache from just watching you" hissed Sai. The foul-mouthed shinobi was at more unease than he would like to portray. Though the artist denied it with every fiber of his being, deep down he did really care for the pink haired kunoichi. The bickering between them was far beyond the toleration of even the devil himself… but, he supposed that was the way they expressed their "care" for each other. _'to care just like siblings' _he inwardly commented as Sai gripped the bridge of his nose trying to calm himself down, but to no avail. Since their arrival he had been, as Naruto… restless… although he had more self-restrain than the kyuubi.

Jiraiya on the other hand was well, _Jiraiya_… the old man sat near where Naruto was creating a crevice in his path doing all he could to calm the kyuubi down. Doing every possible thing to lighten up the tense situation at hand… but deep down he could sense that the older man was worried as well. The Perverted Sennin did, after all, possess a heart… however… perverted it may be…

Then there was the Hyuuga. He was surprised to have found him there and was even more astounded that he had been there since the ordeal began. He knew that the bond between him and Sakura was most certainly closer than their genin days, but he never imagined for the Hyuuga to take such an interest in the Cherry Blossom. When they had arrived he had half expected Neji to silently step aside and let team seven and Tsunade handle the situation at hand… but that was never the case. When he had set his eyes on the silver-eyed Jounin, he looked as though he was mangled by wolves… his yukata was half way down his shoulder, his hair was tossed in disarray (which he always thought was impossible), his right hand contorted in pain, and he had a look of forlorn written across his face… a look mixed with determination and anxiety that at the time was either hard to decipher… or was an emotion that did not exist on mortal plains… well, whatever it was the Hyuuga never left, but merely stood in place near the wall closest to Sakura's door and has been there ever since. What he thought of how the Hyuuga perceived Sakura was still a big uncertainty. After all, although Neji's stoic demeanor would often times deem him to be cold and uncaring, he was still one of the most respectful and well-mannered young men in Konoha that he ever knew lived. For all he knew, he could have just stayed out of respect… but was that really the case? He looked closely to where he stood, Neji's eyes closed and his figure still against the wall's rigid form… but the corners of his eyes twitched with every scream that echoed through the room. Perhaps… his reasons for staying stemmed from something more…

"DAMNIT! THIS IS TAKING TOO DAMN—" but before Naruto could continue his ranting, the screams suddenly dissipated and silence suddenly surged through the household.

A few seconds passed.

And another set of cries emerged from the room that sheltered Sakura.

However, this new sound was not one of agony…

It wasn't one that screamed to be released from the thresholds of pain.

It wasn't one that caused hearts to cave in misery…

It was a different tone… a different harmonic rhythm..

It was the sound of new life…

It was barely visible for anyone to see… but it was a sound that brought a tear to Kakashi's eye.

Almost instantly as the new cry radiated within the walls of the Haruno household, Shizune had rushed out of the room almost out of breath.

"S-s-a-… Sakura…" she panted.

"What is it Shizune-neechan?" Naruto eagerly questioned.

Shizune stood and straightened herself before continuing.

"It's a boy."

* * *

The three Shinobi, with the exception of Neji who had decided to observe from the doorway, stepped into the room where Sakura was resting. She was pale as the first winter's snow, and her body was hunched in exhaustion. However, although her frame held such a frail demeanor… her eyes expressed, rather, illuminated a warm earthy glow that had dominated her youth years ago. 

A sparkle in her eyes that had been kept away for so long…

A glimmer that was resurrected by the tiny being she held within her arms…

The tiny piece of life that was now called her son.

Naruto was the first to reluctantly approach the fare maiden as she lifted her head and smiled a weak smile (but a smile non-the-less) towards the three Shinobi.

"What's the matter Naruto?" she questioned rather playfully "don't worry he won't bite" she smiled once more.

Naruto hesitantly inched closer to his best friend and sat near the edge of Sakura's bed.

"S-s-akura-chan." he began, his head lowered as tears slowly dripped from his eyes. "Are you…ok?"

"Naruto?"

"…Gomenasai… I wish it didn't hurt… as much as it…"

Sakura smiled at her friend's care… indeed, although the years have brought immense strength to the Yondaime's legacy… he would always be Naruto…

The boy who was scorned for being…

The boy who became her best friend…

The boy who grew up in animosity, unloved and neglected….

The boy who, despite all the tribulations he faced…never stopped from _loving_.

"Naruto…hold out your arms…" Sakura stated.

As he stretched out his arms, Sakura delicately placed the new life into his hold. The small child cooed into Naruto's chest making his eyes glimmer in delight.

"Naruto… you have nothing to be sorry about…look" She said brushing a small piece of hair from her son's face "It was all worth it."

She smiled.

And he understood.

They all did.

"Well. Congratulations, ugly" Sai coughed "The kid isn't as horrid looking as you…" Sai stated, desperately trying to hide the hint of relief hidden in his voice.

"For once, I'm letting this one slide you baka! But don't expect me to be so nice after I recover ya hear?"

"Wouldn't want to have it any other way ugly." Sai scoffed

"Well. Well well would you look at that, Konoha's Cherry blossom just bloomed" smiled Jiraiya "Hmm… your son needs a proper tutor! And I am in need of a new apprentice—"

"Forget it… all he's going to learn from you is how to use stealth techniques to sneak into bath houses…" pouted Sakura.

"It would seem as though she never had regained her _respect_ for you after all Jiraiya" chuckled Kakashi

"Aayy, kakashi-sensei you're one to talk…you're practically the president of his fan club!" Naruto pointed out.

"Anyway…" coughed Kakashi "We're all glad that you're ok…Sakura… however, you do indeed need your rest, and if we stay and bother you here all night…I'm sure Tsunade-sama would have our heads severed and served on silver platters before dawn arrives." He stated mater-o-factly causing each Shinobi to sweat drop in fear.

"Ano…Kaka-sensei… we can't leave Sakura-chan here all alone though she—"

"There's no need to worry about that tonight, Naruto" Tsunade replied after she stepped into the room. "Neji has already offered to stay for the night since it is technically his turn to stay with Sakura this week according to the rotation schedule."

"But Tsunade-obaachan… can't _we_ stay too?"

"Naruto, Sakura needs all the rest that she can get tonight, and quite frankly having all of you in the same village is chaotic enough… much less in the same house… you may visit Sakura first thing tomorrow morning, ok?" Tsunade sighed too exhausted to battle this out in a heated debate with the blonde.

"Hokage-sama is right Naruto, Sakura needs her rest… don't you agree?"

"Hai.. Kaka-sensei… I understand… but—"

"I don't mind if Naruto stays Tsunade-sama… one more person wont hurt right?"

"Sakura?"

"Besides… I think the little one is having quite some fun bonding with his uncle."

The child within Naruto's arms was now content snuggling into his chest as he slumbered away into his fantasies.

"So it would seem… Tsunade… I agree, it wouldn't hurt to have at least one more person looking after Sakura for tonight." Jiraiya interjected.

"I suppose…sigh…ok, you can stay… but make ONE NOISE to disturb her and it's D-rank missions till you die! As for the rest of you, you may all visit her early tomorrow morning."

"Yosh! This'll be great!"

"Dickless be careful! The squirt is still in your arms baka!"

"eheheh…. Gomen…"

"Naruto… I think you should give him back now…"

"Gomen…Sakura-chan"

"Sakura-san" Neji who had silently been observing the events before him "In all things that come naturally during birth… what would this child's name be?"

Silence.

"Minoru…"

* * *

He didn't understand why he was there. 

Perhaps, a force he could not fathom drew him…

Perhaps he was lured into the depths of his unforeseen emotions…

Or perhaps this was all just a fabrication of his curiosity…

But whatever the case was, he found himself in front of her window. Staring into the darkness that it held. Staring onto where her face was illuminated by the moonlight. Next to where she lay sleeping a child was placed cradled in a crib, sleeping soundly as his mother.

The picturesque scene before him mesmerized every bone in his body.

He didn't understand then…

Why despite his greatest inner protests…

He was unable to move.

Why his feet decided to move on their own as they stepped closer and closer towards her home.

Yes, indeed… Perhaps it was _curiosity_

He wanted a closer look to quench his "curious" intentions. But knowing that the Byakuugan wielder was still sheltered within her home, he had to be even more cautious than the norm provided. Silently entering her room through the window he inched closer to where the maiden slept. Her face had changed since the day he last visited her in the depth of the night.

Back then her face held sorrow… grief… all the pains in the world was mixed within the contours of her beauty.

But now, that had changed…

Her face held nothing that would remotely hint any sadness… now it illuminated serenity.

She truly was

Beautiful…

Brushing his calloused hand against her hair, the Uchiha could only wonder what it would be like to be engulfed in its' scent forever.

To be able to hold her close…

Trace the lines of her face…

To be able to share his being with her…

To feel her lips against his…

To touch her in ways that would send her mind into ecstasy…

But alas, he could not…

He _would_ not.

Because he **chose not to**

'_Sakura… why… why did it have to be this way?' _he sighed as he retracted his hand from her sleeping form. _'NO…No matter what… I will not love you!'_ his eyes cringed at the very thought that escaped his mind.

His eyes slowly stared into the crib that housed her sleeping son. He was tiny… so small compared to anything he had seen before in his life. He followed as his chest rose and fell with each breath… his rosy cheeks shined brightly against the moon's glow… his dull raven hair reminded him so much of the night sky just after a tremulous storm. How peaceful it felt to be beneath its heavenly blanket…

'_Who is it that you belong to?' _he wondered as he again scanned his mother's sleeping frame. _'I will not…loose'_ he turned to leave.

"Sasuke-kun"

A voice…_her_ voice stopped him from his departure.

"Why?"

"…"

"Why do you no longer come near me…? Is it because…" she looked to where her son was sleeping "Are you.. disgusted of me?"

"…"

"You know, it's funny… this is the second time you have visited me in the night…"

He was shocked to hear her reveal this. Never had he realized that she was aware of his presence the night he visited her in the hospital wards after their devastating mission months prior.

"You came in…almost in the same way… but I stayed still… I was afraid that if I moved, you would…run away… even if you thought I could not feel you… or see you… I was awake… deep down I knew you were right there next to me…" she sighed "And at that time… that was what I had… the only _thing_ that I had that pulled me through… the hope that there was something more to that night… something that would… reawaken me into reality…"

"After all, was it not you who saved me from the burning shrine? The one who had seen me fall after my failed attempt in resurrecting the woman…?"

"So… why? Why is it that you only come to me when I am unable to see your form? Why is it that you reveal yourself only in the darkness of the night?"

Silence.

"… You always have hated me… haven't you? Pitied me…have been and still is annoyed by me… and now… perhaps… disgusted with me…"

Again silence filled the room as Sasuke inched closer to the window.

"Please answer me!"

"Am I… still weak in your eyes? Will I _ever _be strong enough…?"

Tears began to breach the surface of her eyes… and slowly they had dominated her entire being. She couldn't help it… they fell as her heart faltered into a million pieces… a pain she knew far too well… a pain that she kept within her, hidden from the world for this long.

The tears were just catching up…

"Sakura…" he whispered as he began to make his descent through her window "You are not weak… you never were…"

"However… _you _make _me_ weak…"

And with those final words he was gone into the night leaving the Cherry Blossom in shock…tears continuing to pour down her face

* * *

He had brushed against someone's shoulder in his departure, but had decided to keep walking forth into the depth of the night. 

From a distance he could have sworn he heard the Silver-eyed jounin mutter a curse beneath his breath.

But he didn't care.

Because deep down…

He envied him…

* * *

**SO HOW DO YOU GUYS LIKE IT?**

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!**

**and i will try to update as soon as i can.**

**love,  
ayu**


	11. The stars at night: Her song, His memori

**and here we are again with a new installment to the story To Cry: Tears of a Wildflower.**

**hehe I intended to update sooner, however with all the checks and upgrades going on for the past few days kinds threw my schedule off balance.**

**however, before we continue with this next chapter I would like to say that this story...rather this fanfic is dedicated to someone I admire who is currently experiencing tribulation in her life.**

**So for you guys who have protests against the pairings of this story...well, bite the bullet and just read cuz... really... this story...is intended to make my friend smile **

**so smile Gelica!**

**this story is for you!**

**your friend,  
ayu.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own naruto, However I do own the concept behind this fanfic.**

**And I DO NOT OWN THE SONG used in this chapter. All rights to that song are reserved to the band Steven Curtis Chapman.**

**anywy, enuf of mi blubberin**

**on to the story!

* * *

**

**Chapter 10**

**The stars at night: Her song, His memories.. Love sang in a Lullaby**

"KAAWWWWWWWWAIII! SAKURA! HEEEESS SOOO ADORABLE!"

The babe in Sakura's arms only stared at the strange sight before him. Not less than three days upon entering the new world in which he was now inducted into… strange figures with even peculiar personalities engulfed his every walking second…

To walk into the mind of this small child…

The world was not as he had expected.

It was weird… 

"Geez, Ino can you be more loud?"

Ino continued to poke and squeeze every chubby piece of flesh that dominated the poor boy.

"Hahahaha… _geez _Shikamaru… can _you_ be more dense? This is Ino here… when has she never been loud?" snickered Kiba. "She's like… the female version of Naruto when it comes to being…ehem…'vociferous'…"

"Oi! Kiba! Don't you dare compare me to that siren!" scoffed Naruto as he crossed his arms and pouted his infamous pout.

"And don't compare me to that Ramen-obsessed pathetic excuse for a Shinobi!"

"Look whose talking…you loud mouthed medusa!"

Yes, the world was…

Weird… 

"N-n…aruto-kun, Ino-…. chan… I thi…nk it's best if …the ch…ild had. …Some peace and. …Quiet… after all it has only been a few days since Minoru has been born…" Hinata somehow staggered to say as she pressed in between the two-heated Shinobi.

"Arigato Hinata… but it's ok…let them be…" Sakura's smiled at her friend's concern for the well being of her son.

"Yea, besides shorty here is gonna have to get used to their bickering eventually… might as well be sooner than later noh?" chimed Kiba as he continued to chuckle at the sight of Naruto and Ino an arm's length away from armaggedon.

Since the night of his birth, Sakura's friends have constantly been in and out of her doorstep wishing to see the new life she had just created. Days passed and life was as it was for the young kunoichi. Her friends would come and go leaving behind warmth that she wished came from the man who had given her his final farewell the night Minoru entered the world. However, the truth was farther from what she would like to expect.

Sasuke didn't leave that night because of disgust.

He was not avoiding her because she was weak…

He did not shun himself from her because she was not worthy to be someone of importance to him…

No…

He left her in the cold emptiness of her heart because… out of everything else…every possible explanation… every formula… every idea that she thought stemmed from his annoyance of her…

He left… because **she **made him _weak…_

Why and how this was possible was something that she couldn't understand, and silently she pondered if she ever will. But the words that he uttered that night replayed within her mind over and over again…

And with each repetition… the same feeling burned within her.

Heartache mixed with the disgraceful taste of unimportance.

She hated it. Most of all… she was beginning to detest his words… Why in the entire world would she weaken the strongest Shinobi that walked the streets of Konoha? Why? In all her impudence how could she even begin to explain to her heart that she made _the _Uchiha, Sasuke weak?

She sighed at her own failure to comprehend and silently wished that Sasuke would slowly dissipate from her heart.

But every attempt she had ever formulated to extract the avenger from her love had failed miserably…

In the end…no matter what heinous crime he committed against her…

She could never force herself to be freed from him…could never _hate _him… even by the tiniest bit.

How it is that the smartest Shinobi couldn't see past the traps that he set before her was beyond her comprehension…

Indeed, _would_ she ever find faith in love again?

She hoped… but hoping was only left reserved for those that stood a chance… and for her, she had none left.

The small child in her arms cooed away as he slowly drifted off into slumber…

' _At least… I have you… and I always will…' _she smiled still gazing upon the beauty of her son as her mind slowly drowned the noise of her ever-so-caring friends.

Yes…this was _all_ she needed in the world… the love of a son… _her_ son…

Right now… Sasuke was nothing more than a detail in her life…

* * *

It had been three days since he has stayed with her. It was his turn to stand guard of her safety this week and he had given the Hokage that promise. 

It had been three days since her son had been born…

Three days since he last felt the touch of her warmth on his skin…

Three days since he had seen her genuinely smile…

Three days since… everything in his world started to become hazed with confusion…

And still he did not understand why… why it was that the world frightened him that day she was in pain. Why he had not left when his mind screamed in protest. Why his feet decided not to move even when he knew his presence was no longer required. Why anger suddenly surged forth from him the night the avenger had left her in the darkness of her tears. Why he had a sudden urge to strangle the Uchiha with his bare hands then and there. Such things were foreign to his understanding. Never had he imagined that he would experience such sensations in his life before. After all, he had all that he needed… he had never wanted more than what life…what _his_ life required.

Power

Training

Laws to abide by

A family name

Missions to fulfill

These things are what dominated his existence… these things that he thought sustained what life was formulated upon. Everything that he had deemed important in his life was concise, concrete, stable… never too much or too less… never too small or too big… they all came in the right quantitative amount that was vital in the Shinobi lifestyle.

Nothing was ever misplaced, miscalculated, misinterpreted…

Everything that revolved around his existence he knew from the back of his hand…

Nothing was ever out of place.

Everything worked within a set of harmonic rhythms that rhymed in sync with his life…

So then why? Why was it that within him was this tune that he cannot place…a melody that disrupts the harmony in which he existed? What is this _thing…_ this strange feeling that has been tugging behind his mind?

Sure, he cared for the girl just as he would if she were part of his family… However, something about her… the way she smiled… the way her eyes always illuminated determination even in the midst of devastation… everything about her… from the greatest feats to the tiniest flaws…

It bothered him…

It bothered him that he could not erase this _sensation_ from deep within his mind… it bothered him that he could not decipher it's meaning…

And more importantly…it bothered him because it was something that he…enjoyed?

Perplexed and slightly annoyed with his own misconstrued reasonings, he sighed as he peered outside his window. The sky was now a dark hue of blue and black and the stars that scattered throughout the midnight sky greatly contrasted the darkness that the evening possessed. The world was in deep slumber, a state of bliss and dreams that have stood the test of tranquility and solitude.

However, despite the calming ambiance that Mother Nature had provided, he could not find his way into a peaceful rest. Groggily admitting defeat he stood from his futon to sit where the rest of the world slumbered. Opening the sliding door that separated his room from the outside, Neji sat in idle contentment just staring at the stars above. He could feel the wind whirl past him and recollected the nights he spent under the stars with his own father. How long it has been since he even thought about him. How long it has been since he had sat outside beneath the ethereal glow of the heavens. He wondered then…when had everything in his life changed?

The life that fate had paved before him was something that his heart never wished for. And the engraved reminder upon his forehead would always block his mind in attempting to wish for something beyond what fate had already provided.

So when? When had everything changed?

Was this indeed the life he wanted?

The life of a Shinobi…the life of a bird destined for the sky yet bound by the chains of a cage?

Was this after all…his _dream_?

"_Dream"_

He grimaced at the thought

Since when did _he_ ever think of being a shinobi a dream? Was it all in between feeling the blood of the fallen within his hands? Or was it when he witnessed the betrayal of his clan, the demise of his father…?

When was it that he thought of such notions as a _dream?_

If it were…the life of a Shinobi… if it all started with a dream, when was it that he had awoken and was forced into the thresholds of reality…of _pain?_

'Tou-san…sometimes I wish you were still here to guide me' 

There were times in his life that Neji need not even think about emotions… times wherein he thought that they were nothing but useless factors that made people weak. However, when the world was not there to judge him, his entire being regressed back to where his youth once existed… the young fragile boy who wanted to live for his father's expectations. The vibrant youth that drowned in bliss and innocence.

But such a phase in his life was short lived, and soon innocence was nothing more than a misused word in his vocabulary… and emotions held no meaning.

But every so often… the boy within the man would silently rekindle his spirit and step out into the world when no one bothered to look.

He smiled.

Tonight was such a night.

Once again he gazed upon the stars and followed where his thoughts contemplated. The silence was enough to make him sleep where he was, however the presence of another alerted him back to his senses. Out of the sliding door emerged the maiden he was there to protect and care for. Even with the rest that she has had, her body still failed in comparison to what she was before the events in her life took a turn for the dramatic. Her skin underneath the moonlight made a heavy emphasis on her porcelain complexion, and her tiny fragile body gracefully hunched in exhaustion as she stepped forth into the cool evening breeze.

She failed to notice, however that there was already someone to keep her company out in the still and silent night. As she exited the room that had provided her with privacy she had accidentally bumped into his back causing her to stumble a few inches away, however being the flawless shinobi that he was, Neji stood in one swift movement to delicately retract the young mother from falling violently upon the cold wooden floor. As her body collided into his firm grasp, he couldn't help but feel a soft tingle surge through his spine. A force that was strong enough to last an impact on his soul, yet delicate enough to lightly pull upon the heartstrings that he thought he never possessed. Her body was so light and fragile… not so small yet not so big—the perfect fit within his arms. The seconds that passed seemed like an eternity as he held the young maiden in the comfort of his embrace. The light and gentle breeze was threatening to engulf them into the midnight winter…but the warmth that radiated from their forms won the war against the winds… and there they stood… in each other's warm embrace.

It was only for mere seconds in time when he held her… however; he couldn't help but feel content with her touch… her scent… his arms wrapped protectively around her small frame…

Why he felt such things he never understood.

Why he let his heart dominate his mind for these few seconds… he could not decipher…

Why and how these were possible… he could not fathom…

It bothered him.

Scared him.  
Annoyed him.

It wasn't in his character.

His stoic persona faltered the moment he felt her touch upon his cold and rigid body.

It _disturbed _him.

And yet he welcomed it… and deep within his subconscious state… he didn't mind spending more than meager seconds holding her this way…

However, being the upright…and often times _uptight_ Shinobi that he was, he settled his arms firmly to his sides immediately feeling her warmth fade away into the wind's kiss. She was so near… and yet he could not understand why… why at that moment… the moment he had freed her from his safety…

She had become miles away from his reach.

But he quickly dismissed such thoughts as he leaned in to inspect the distressed look of worry that cursed her flawless features.

"You should be more careful Sakura-san," he whispered as he slowly let the maiden stand to find her balance.

"Gomen Neji-san. I did not realize you were here…Pardon me for intruding--"

"This is your home Sakura-san… you should not apologize for anything." He simply stated as he reclaimed his spot upon the wooden floor. "Is something the matter? Could you not sleep?" he questioned as she positioned herself not far beside him.

"No…" she gently swung her head from side to side "Nothing is the matter…." Her head hung low and he immediately detected a faint hint of false truth… but casually disregarded the matter…after all, Hyuuga Neji was never one to pry into personal affairs…not unless it intrigued him greatly (which rarely happened underneath a blue moon). "I just wanted to see them dance tonight" She replied.

He gave her a quizzical stare as she looked into the heavens and gazed at the stars. "The stars… I wanted to witness their waltz tonight…" she whispered into the wind. He looked up above where the stars scattered throughout the darkness of the sky, and wondered what she had meant by her words.

"When I was younger…" she started, snapping the Hyuuga out of his trance as he intently listened to her speak. Somehow, something in the way her words were said…something in that harmonic balance… made his mind keen and alert on every word she uttered. "My father and I would come sneak out and watch the stars at night… I know it sounds strange but… I feel his presence whenever I watch the stars …" She paused "He once told me that when you loose someone important in your life… they never _really _disappear…even when… you can't touch their flesh, smell their scent… or see their form… they never truly disappear…" She sighed.

Deep down, Neji knew that people never completely disappeared when they vanished from the world of mortals. But where they went he could never figure out… he had always reasoned that when someone dies they become trapped in what humans refer to as "memories" and slowly as time heals away the wounds they have left with their deaths… their imprints upon one's memories fades away into the dusk. When his father had died… part of who he was—his innocence, his youth, had died as well… and so the memory of his father remained as such—nothing more than a mere memory… a face… a small moment in time plastered upon the back of his troubled mind. A memory that had granted him the privilege to hate and detest the clan whose name he possessed. All he could remember from his memory…was the death of his father… the pain he felt… the vengeance that boiled in his blood… somehow… somewhere along the line, he had forgotten who his father really was before death sought him in the most heinous, yet noble way.

"Is it not that our memories are what preserves their identities in our hearts? So then, when one dies… he is reduced to nothing more than a mere memory… a small space in time captured in a picture by the mind." He stated calmly

"I suppose… you could say that our memories help us preserve the love that they once gave us… but… really… it shouldn't and _does_ not stop there." Sakura replied "Memories serve as a testament to their love, not as small pieces of experiences that they have left behind for us to remember…memories and the lives they have lived and left behind are as pervasive as the wind… you cannot see it and may choose to ignore it… but you can always feel it's presence… and that's why they never disappear…"

"And where is it that they go?" he questioned, his eyes still firmly set upon the horizon.

"Here…" She stated as he glanced to his side where Sakura had placed a hand over her heart. "Here…" she shifted her touch to her forehead… "And up there…" She stretched out her palm towards the sky above. "My father told me, that when people die, their souls climb towards heavens… and at night… when the world is in peace…you can watch as they dance a midnight waltz with the stars…" she smiled lightly "I suppose, that's why I can never sleep without seeing the stars at night…"

Somehow her simple childish logic had sent him thinking… about his past… about what fate had bestowed upon him… about his father… whether or not he was up there dancing as well…

A small cry echoed within the walls of Sakura's quarters that had snapped the Byakuugan user out of his childish trance.

"Oh dear, Minoru must have woken… Gomen, Neji-san… but I guess I must leave you now…" She stood and walked to where her son wailed for her presence. He watched her until she disappeared behind the sliding paper door. As she entered, she had somehow forgotten to completely shut the entryway to her quarters, which left a tiny gap wherein he could have a small picturesque gaze upon her as she huddled upon her futon with the child in her arms… somehow he cursed for one precious moment… that she would comeback into his company.

However, this was the inevitable out come to motherhood…and silently he sighed and began to look once again at the sky above. He thought about what she said… and a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

"Now, now Minoru… it's alright…" She could hear her whisper, but the child continued to cry in distress "Oh I know… Oka-saan used to sing this song to me when I was little… you'd have to forgive me Minoru… your mother isn't the most talented singer… but for you I'll give it a try…"

He inwardly chuckled at her simplistic behavior towards the child. And so it began…

Her song…

_I'll Take care of you_

Don't be sad, don't be blue

_I'll never break your heart in two_

_I'll take care… of you_

The cry of the young babe slowly disappeared into the vastness of the evening and was replaced by her own soothing voice…

_I'll take care of you_

_I'll kiss your tears away_

_I'll end your lonely days  
all that I'm really trying to say_

_Is I'll take care of you_

A soothing lullaby now dominated the household… and his mind as he continued to listen to the words she sang as she held her son closely to her bosom. He peered once more into the room that held the mother and her son and could not help but feel at peace at such a precious moment.

The words of her song… the harmony in her voice…soothed even his stoic heart…

_I want you to know that I love you so  
I'm proud to tell the world you're mine  
I said it before, I'll say it once more  
You'll be in my heart 'til the end of time_

The song could not have been more fitting for the young lad and the mother that held him. A promise of love engraved in a song emphasized by their bond.

He listened on as the song soon faded.

And looked again to the stars… he counted each that his eyes could capture…

One two three…

He made it a game to see how long it would be before sleep would trap him… he listened to her song as he continued…

Four… five… six…

Each word enticed him and lulled him into a peaceful state…

Seven… eight… nine…

And sleep took refuge in his soul.

Nine…

Her song lasted nine stars that night his heart had opened their gates to her lullaby…

* * *

**sorry I havent updated in a while... spring break has given me much time to procrastinate and actually sit and think about college. Gowsh...a few more weeks and highschool is over --''' somehow i worry i wont make it but anyway...**

**The song above is from a band named Steven Curtis Chapman. it's really beautiful and iono... I just thought it was fitting for Sakura and Minoru.**

**Anyway, I shall try to update as soon as I can.**

**and dont ya'll worry about the father's identity... he shall be revealed soon enough! **

**and what's this with neji?**

**what about sasuke?**

**oooh**

**lots of love and much confusion,**

**your faithful author,**

**ayu...>. **


	12. AUTHOR'S NOTE PLZ READ!

A quick note to a love lost...

the previous chapter was dedicated to **you...**

_**It has been almost two years since you've left me... yet.. even now as I write these words...words that you have once uttered underneath the covers of our love-- our bond... the tears still fall...**_

_**maybe that's why... today the sky seems bleak even in their vast freedom...**_

_**even so...**_

_**even if i cannot feel you, see you, smell your scent... I know you are always...**_

_**In my heart...**_

_**In my mind...**_

_**and above where the stars dwell at night...**_

_**and as I count each star... I remember the song you used to sing as I drifted off into sleep in the comfort of your embrace...**_

_**17... 17 stars... your song lasted 17 stars the last time I lay within your loving arms listening to your melodious song.**_

_**I love you Miguel... and I always will...**_

_**In the loving memory of you... Miguel A. My heart, My mind... My inspiration **_

_**May you ALWAYS rest in peace...**_

_**(June 15 1988-March 20 2004)**_

_**yours always,  
Ayu...**_

**

* * *

**

**A quick author's note.**

First off, I would like to give my **gratitude **to the following:

**Marsgodess **for her utmost support for this fic… and forgive me for the cliffys (can't help it)

**Ms. Jazmiin:** though I _greatly_ appreciate the support you've given mefor this fanfic… I really don't want you to lose your job over it (lol)

**Phallophobia:** thank you for the extra nudge for me to continue (yea…ya know what I'm talking about)

**Jennjennr:** Thank you and sorry for the confusion before hehe.

And

**XyoushaX:** yea, Thanks for the encouragement, I really do believe that Sakura faces significant tribulation that sadly, most viewers/readers just disregard this fact because of her obnoxious persona in the beginning chapters of the series. I just thought some credit should be given for her hard work (ryt?). Anyway, on another matter, I really would like to thank you for explaining to me the significance of suffixes….haha… I can't really say I'm the expert on Japanese expressions…I'm from the _wrong _Asian for that…my Filipino background doesn't really provide me with that luxury.

(bows down) paumanhin poh! (pardon me for my mistake)

Anyway, I shall try to improve to the best of my abilities.(or lack of 'em...)

**And sorry about the typos guys**…don't kill me...I really don't have time to edit this story because of the hectic schedule life has dealt me with. Sad to say, I'm more of a write-and-go kind of person...

yes, sad and pathetic.

_that's _me

However, I will (as I have said) try to do my best to please ya'll (errr…ya'll know what I mean by that…)

As for now, I believe I'll be taking a break (a short one so don't panic) from this fic. There are certain things in my life that need to be settled before I can continue with whatever "normalcy" I may have left. Somehow this fanfic was intended to make someone smile...and deep down... it served as my escape from the world...(yes, feel free to spit on my face and call me pathetic...at this point, I really don't mind)

anyway... I grow tired of things...

love,

family...

and now even life.

gah...I'm getting ahead of myself with the ranting.

before I get you guys depressed with my shit...it'd be best if I go walk it off somewhere other than the world.

Hopefully, with God's good favors... everything turns out for the best.

So...My little journey begins.

I'm stepping back from the crowd for now...when I'll be back? Who knows... let my heart wander...my mind think...and my feet walk as far as they please... I'll be back when they grow tired and weary.

With lots of love,  
Ayu.


End file.
